tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3881316770337758192024-03-08T05:36:10.564-08:00Sunday at Noon BlogMarni, the author of the Sunday at Noon blog, is a successful matchmaker who interacts with countless single professionals in New York. The Sunday at Noon Blog comments and opines on current dating issues in a fun, informative and, hopefully, thought provoking way! To learn more about Sunday at Noon and contact Marni about becoming a Sunday at Noon client, please visit <a href="http://www.sundayatnoon.com"><strong>Click Here</strong></a>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-82781882189320747052012-04-17T06:32:00.006-07:002012-04-17T07:27:15.953-07:00Getting Rid of “Mr. Just for Now” in Order to Meet “Mr. the Rest of Your Life”<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">After an extended hiatus from writing (my sincere apology, Readers, I know it has been an unforgivable six months since my last blog!), I am back to putting pen to paper.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">For weeks, so many topics have been swirling in my head but none really prompting me to write until yesterday when, once again, I heard a female friend tell me about a great new guy she met this past weekend ... who is wildly inappropriate for her. BUT, she assured me, I should not fret (or judge!), as she fully recognizes that this gorgeous, trust fund, adonis (who happens to be ten years her junior) is “just for now.” And while she might (secretly) be wishing that something might in fact come of this May/December romance, it’s pretty apparent she knows in her heart of hearts she is not going to end up with this guy watching reruns of Mad Men in fifteen years. Why? Because he is far too young, too ridiculously hot and, most likely, too unavailable for what she is supposedly looking for at this stage of her life - marriage and a family.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Now, I’ve been at this blog writing long enough that I know I am going to get a post from some hopeless romantic questioning how I know these two cannot have a real, loving, long term relationship. Because I know. And if you insist on believing otherwise, I heard Cinderella’s blogs are a great read - and funny enough, they are all titled “Anything is Possible”.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Indeed, what’s the harm, some might ask, in our femme fatale dating her boy toy while she looks for her true partner to come along, the guy who’s the Real Deal. After all, she’s not deluding herself into thinking she’s marrying the guy ... she fully acknowledges that she has no expectations.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">The problem with spending time with “Mr. Just for Now” ("JFN") is that while women think they can easily meet Mr. Right while they share their beds with Mr. JFN, it usually doesn’t work that way. And it has more to do than with just the fact that if you are spending time with one guy, you are probably not going to be approached by another guy (because we all know, only a d--- would do that).</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">The fact is, that if you are <b>ok </b>with spending time with Mr. JFN, then chances are you are not REALLY at a point in your life where you are committed to finding a life partner. You might <i>think </i>you are. But be honest with yourself - perhaps you don't want it to the level you think you do. Because that's the thing with having "no expectations." When you truly desire to meet a wonderful partner, who adores you and who has the potential to be the person you kiss goodnight for the next 40 or 50 years, Mr. JFN and having no expectations no longer cut it.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">I actually see this behavior all around me. A little while back I had a good friend who kept telling me how badly she wanted to finally meet her guy and get married. And yet, despite professing this seemingly genuine yearning to get to the next, beautiful stage of her life, she would have her occasional booty call with a troublesome ex who she constantly assured me was no longer someone she wanted to be with. He was just for now, you know, she was killing time. At this juncture, it should already by clear that Mr. JFN does not necessarily have to be smoking hot and ten years younger - he can be an ex -boyfriend who still feels comfortable calling you at 2am and occasionally gets the benefit of an invitation to come over.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">After hearing about another one of their slumber parties (without the slumber), I finally called my girlfriend out on her inconsistent behavior:</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><i>“We all know that when people are truly sincere in their desires, their actions match their words. And when you want something above all else, you recognize that anything you spend your time on that does not further your goal, is keeping you from your goal. At the moment, your actions are contradicting what you’re telling me. Booty calls with an ex have no place in a serious marriage-minded women’s life. If you want to be engaged to the most amazing man, have your actions match your words, clear the way for him and start BEHAVING like wife-material... The minute you kick Mr. JFN to the curb, Mr. “The Real Deal” is going to enter your life.</i></b> :)”</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Ok, I added the smiley face for effect (the conversation was in person). But kindly know, Readers, this was all said without judgment (please, we’ve ALL had booty calls) and simply conveyed with the logic of telling someone “if you want to lose weight, eating Krispy Creme donuts every morning is probably a bad idea."</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Sadly, my friend never talked to me again. Just kidding. Actually, while I didn’t set up her with him, she tells everyone I am responsible for her meeting the man of her dreams. She cleared Mr. JFN right out of the picture and she met her fiance a few weeks later. </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">And that’s no fairy tale.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial; min-height: 16.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b>Marni Galison is a top matchmaker in New York City. In addition to her one-on-one introductions, Marni has coached clients to marriage, long term relationships and living with their partners. With her no-nonense but always empathetic manner, Marni helps clients recognize unproductive dating patterns that have kept them from meeting the One so that they can make room for the love of their lives. For more information about Marni's matchmaking services or simply to be in her database, please go to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3366ff;">www.sundayatnoon.com.</span></b></span></p><div><div style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; text-align: justify; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span></div></div></div>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-43639773180432453582011-10-26T06:21:00.001-07:002011-10-26T07:14:54.768-07:00Wait ... That Isn’t a Mask<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;font-size:130%;">As we all know, Halloween is this Monday - a time many kids (and adults) don their most macabre Halloween masks and try to scare the bejesus out of people. Fortunately, come Tuesday, the masks will get stored in the closet to be pulled out for the next Halloween. But what about a mask that can be pretty terrifying looking that doesn’t come off - that’s a more permanent type of cover up? What am I talking about? I am referring to the <i>uber-Botoxed-can’t-move-your-forehead</i> type of mask. The <i>clearly-this-person-has-had-a-ton-of-work-done</i> type of mask which makes people feel like they are no longer talking to an normal, natural looking individual but someone who has striven (and paid good money) to look like a <b>very</b> abnormal version of his or herself. There is no doubt that this look can be downright ghoulish seeming at times... </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;font-size:130%;">I will offer you a perfect example. The other day I was at the Bobbie Brown counter at Bloomingdales and a “young” woman approached - she had a young, trendy style of dress and a cute figure, beautiful long blond hair and a young energy. And yet when she turned around ... her face looked like a Joan Rivers’ mask. It was tragic. If I had to guess, I would speculate this woman was in her late 30s/early 40s but she has so much work done that it was no longer possible to tell her natural age. She was both “pretty” and frightening looking at the same time. She had a forehead that was taught like a drum and that was abnormally shiny. She also looked like she had collagen implants in her lips so they were unnaturally large for her face and it looked like she possibly had something done to her eyes that gave her a cat like appearance (but I couldn’t tell if it was just excessive Botox). As much as I tried to look away, I was drawn to staring at her like one does a car accident. I mentioned the story to a friend and he asked me if I had ever watched the scene in the Adam Sandler movie “Just Go With It” with Botox Man. I hadn’t at that point, but I am attaching the clip below for the curious.*</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I commented to my male makeup artist that it’s a shame that the Botox craze has become so prevalent and that, though I know I could “benefit” from a little tweaking (in fact, last year I had a guy at a bar tell me “you’re so pretty but you could use a little Botox right there” and then leaned over to point between my eyebrows)**</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;">, I really hope to resist the temptation to go down that path. To my surprise, my makeup artist responded that <i>he</i> has regular Botox treatments ... he is 31. Who would have thought it? Is anyone too young to get Botox these days? (I recently read that beautiful Amanda Seyfried was getting pressure to get Botox treatments at the tender age of 25). Two days later, my cab driver (a rare female driver in the thousands of NYC Taxis) who I was casually chatting with commented - unsolicited - that she knew a great dermatologist, dug through her bag and handed me her dermatologist’s card and told me that this doctor did the best Botox work in town. I hadn’t even asked. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 11.0px Helvetica; min-height: 13.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;font-size:130%;">Now, at the risk of putting any readers who have had Botox injections on the defensive, I am not seeking to judge those who have had an occasional injection to smooth out a few vexing and deep rooted lines. The purpose of this blog is not to judge but to pose questions - sometimes on topics that people would rather not address. Is it so awful to look your age? Is the answer different if you are married or if you’re single? If you are a man or a woman? And while Botox injections are popular among both sexes it seems at the moment that there are far more women getting Botox than men. Are the women who are getting the Botox treatments just being smarter and more competitive in getting the guys than their more wrinkled counterparts? Or is it possible that they are losing out on quality men who are more interested in a more natural, confident-in-her-own-skin kind of look? Does it make you look more attractive and appealing to the members of the opposite sex you are trying to attract when you have a wrinkle free face or does it actually start working against you at some point?</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;font-size:130%;">Indeed, a little while back, I set up a female client who was 39 with a guy of a similar age (this was a bright, nice looking, successful Manhattan guy who had no issues with going out with a woman the same age- how refreshing!). After their date, I spoke to the guy for his feedback and he informed me that while he thought she was nice enough and objectively cute, he explained that he was from an affluent town in Westchester and has seen enough of “the Botox look” with his mother and her friends and it was "not his thing." When I met her I just thought she looked great for her age, however, after his comment I looked at her in a whole new light. He was right - she had her share of botulism in her face. Yes, she looked “younger” but at what cost? He was not interested in going out again (and she had been). </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;font-size:130%;">While plastic surgery has been around for a while, the Botox craze is different. Men may be divided about whether or not they prefer real over implants, but I don’t know too many guys who would nix a woman just because she has fake boobs. However, artifice with the face is different - I know many men who would agree that it is the laugh lines that give a woman’s face character ... that the crinkle that forms in the brow can be charming and cute when a woman is puzzled ... that a face that can express emotion and be animated is far sexier than an incongruously youthful face that starts to resemble all the other unnatural looking faces out there. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;font-size:130%;">Guys, when you can recognize that a woman has had a fair amount of Botox does it send a message to you that maybe this woman is insecure/high maintenance/or not genuine in other ways? Or does it not matter as long as she has managed to come out looking good overall? Does a face that screams out “I have done something very unnatural to my face to look this way” scare away men as much as a Jason mask from Friday the 13th would have most women running for the hills? And, women, your input is welcome too - have you ever rejected a date with a guy because he looked like he had had too much Botox? Does a guy’s use of Botox send a message to <i>you</i> about his personality? Feel free to weigh in!</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;font-size:130%;color:#ff6600;"><b>I hope everyone has a fun and safe Halloween!</b></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;">*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_v2t8YwJato</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p color="#000102" style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;">** Someone suggested that this guy may have been using a "neg" on me (from the book The Game), but I believe he sincerely thought I should fix "the trouble spot" as he boasted that he had had plenty of Botox himself. His face was proof he was not lying. </span></p><p color="#000102" style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-43843672531303835712011-09-02T08:34:00.000-07:002011-09-02T09:14:42.017-07:00If You Didn't Find Summer Love, Here Are Eight Easy And Doable Steps To Jump Start Your Love Life After Labor Day!<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>Did you go into summer hoping for some steamy Summer romance but just walked away with a tepid kiss or two? Disappointed that you didn't get to enjoy long sunset walks on the beach with that special someone but instead spent more evenings than you care to count packed in like a sardine in a crowded bar? Not to fret! In my opinion, Fall is actually the best time of year to find love! Singles return to the city less distracted, refocused on their love lives and committed to meeting that special someone with whom that can snuggle up with when the weather turns cold. So here are a few easy and doable tips to help you find love in the Fall season:</p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0px">
<br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">1) <b><i>Treat Labor Day like New Year's.</i></b> Don't wait until January to get motivated to start hitting the gym, quit smoking, start the job search for the job you want, etc. Treat Labor Day as a fresh start with unlimited possibilities to take control of your life and make the changes you've been wanting to make. People are drawn to other happy, well-adjusted people, so make sure you are bringing a happy, positive, confident mindset the table.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>
<br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">2) <b><i>Go shopping!</i></b> Yes, go shopping! Make a budget to purchase a few flattering Fall date pieces. New clothes make you feel good about yourself. Find clothes that fit your body properly and flatter your figure/physique. This advice applies to men as well! Faded or tattered shirts and outdated styles can be a turn off and women absolutely love a well dressed man! Invest in a few pieces that really convey who you are in the best sense possible. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>
<br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">3) <b><i>For the women - Get a Fall makeup makeover! </i></b> Colors that may suit you in the summer may look unflattering in the Fall without your great summer tan or may not match the colors of your Fall attire. Go to a professional at one of the counters at Macy's, Bloomingdales, Saks, Bergdorf's, etc. and put yourself in an expert's hands - it's free to have a makeup application and they just anticipate that you will buy some of the products used. Make sure when you leave that you don't just have the products but that you also know how to obtain that same look. Keep it simple! </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>
<br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">4) <b><i>Fall is a great time to be outdoors - get outside! </i></b> In the summer, people tend to avoid being indoors if they can and opt for the beach (not always the easiest place to meet someone!). The Fall is a great time to be outdoors and to meet new people! Sign up for some city walking tours, </span>check out a local sculpture garden, do something physical like join a Central Park softball league, go rollerskating on the Highline or do one of the many physical activities at Chelsea Piers. Even if you don't meet that special someone, you will be doing something fun and getting great exercise. And most men and women are attracted to people who bring interesting experiences to the table - so, if nothing else, it gives you something different to talk about on the first date!</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>
<br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">5) <b><i>If you're on JDate or Match, shake things up on your profile.</i></b> Most people create an online profile and then let it sit for months or even years without updating it. Changing your profile picture every so often gets your profile flagged as "updated" to other members and often makes people check you out again for a second look! Updating your content with activities you have done recently or trips you have recently taken makes you stand out among the thousands of other profiles. The more specific content you can add, the better!</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>
<br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">6) <b><i>Give your FB profile an overhaul.</i></b> Even though Facebook is not an online dating site - many people have met their significant others by connecting on Facebook. I find it amazing how many people do not use Facebook as a tool to potentially meet a great guy or girl. Think about how you are portraying yourself on Facebook - are all of your pictures showing you partying or do you show yourself with friends and family at close family gatherings? Is your profile photo flattering or is it dark and hard to see? Are you posting interesting and humorous comments and updates or are you constantly venting and portraying a negative attitude? Think about how you would view yourself as an outsider - or better yet, get a second opinion from someone you trust! </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>
<br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">7) <b><i>Start spreading the word.</i></b> Let your friends and colleagues know that you would love to meet someone wonderful this Fall and see if they know anyone who might be a good match. Often people assume that their friends are fine and don't need any help - letting them know that you would be very appreciative of a quality set up can produce amazing results! Most people love being a matchmaker for their friends!</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>
<br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">8) <b><i>Set some goals. </i></b>People tend to have a greater chance of getting what they want by setting goals - whether it's for business, weight loss or dating. Set a goal that you want to be in a loving, supportive, wonderful relationship by the holidays and then set realistic smaller goals that will help make that happen. For example by setting a number of social events you plan to attend per month or an amount of hours you will dedicate each week to meeting people online, you are more likely to meet someone than by simply saying "I am going to be more social." Set goals and stick to them!</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial">
<br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">Have a great holiday weekend and happy dating!</span></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 18.0px Arial; min-height: 21.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>
<br /></p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-91876815589824425102011-08-02T20:06:00.000-07:002011-08-02T20:14:45.006-07:00Love For Entrepreneurs?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;font-size:130%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(46, 52, 54); "><p style="margin-top: 10px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: normal; text-align: justify; ">As a professional matchmaker, I know that dating can be tough - for everyone. For entrepreneurs, it can be even tougher. Choosing to be an entrepreneur, you choose to be the master of your own destiny, to pursue something you feel passionately about and to take a gamble on yourself and your vision. You also choose a lifestyle - even if you don’t know it at first. You are no longer the employee who can throw on his or her coat and walk out the door without thinking about the challenges of the workday until the next morning. Instead, you take your business with you when you are running on the treadmill at the gym, when you are showering in the morning ... when you get into bed at night. Your business becomes as much a part of you as your arm or your leg.</p><p style="margin-top: 10px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: normal; text-align: justify; ">But not every potential romantic partner wants to date you with the extra appendage that is your business. I learned this when I first left my job as an attorney to start my matchmaking and events business. Everyone expected that a matchmaker would be in a wonderful relationship, but instead I found that I was risking being the barefooted cobbler. Early on, I dated someone who was not an entrepreneur. We would go to events and, as necessity required, I would network - which often meant spending much of the event apart. He felt neglected. Nights where he would have loved sharing a private, romantic dinner were spent at large social gatherings. Among the issues that chipped away at our relationship was this tug of war over how I would spend my “free” time. With a truly committed entrepreneur getting a business off the ground, there is no such thing as free time. Only a kindred spirit entrepreneur gets this. My business became my life and I wondered if I would have to forego meeting “the One” until my business did not require so much time and attention.</p><p style="margin-top: 10px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: normal; text-align: justify; ">In my opinion, the female entrepreneur faces even more challenges dating than men do. Men instinctively feel the need to tell a female entrepreneur how she should run her business, even though they have never run a business themselves. If you don’t follow their advice, they often take it personally. In addition, men can often feel a level of competition with a strong female entrepreneur that they would never feel with a woman in a more traditional job. One person I dated felt he had to highlight the gambles he had taken in his career to prove to me - nay, to himself - that he was a risk taker. When the conversations took a tone of "what I do is interesting too!!!", I knew he had reached his limit of being my cheerleader and he yearned to be the star of his own show.</p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(46, 52, 54); "><p style="margin-top: 10px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: normal; text-align: justify; ">In any healthy relationship, both partners should feel comfortable sharing what is happening at the office, asking for support after dealing with a vexing client or bragging about a job well done that may have not received the proper accolades. Dating a fellow entrepreneur simply augments this dynamic and allows for a work/life balance that both parties can understand. When I met my current boyfriend I felt, finally, I was with someone who understood. He could join me at an event and allow me the space I needed. There was no sense of competition - he too had left the secure womb of his law firm to start his own business and he had no need to prove anything. He has since become my silent partner, my sounding board and my biggest supporter. And I his. As I know personally, despite the heightened challenges, there's no doubt that an entrepreneur can find love - along with profits!</p></span></span><blockquote type="cite"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:large;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; "><div ocsi="x"><div dir="ltr"><span style="font-size:100%;color:#000000;"><div style="margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0pt; line-height: normal; margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; "><span style=" ;color:black;">This article is being considered for publication in a book called "Winning Without Losing" which is compiling articles by entrepreneurs on work/life balance. </span></div></span></div></div></span></span></blockquote><div style="margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0pt; line-height: normal; margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; "><blockquote type="cite"><a href="http://winning-without-losing.com/book/chapter/71/" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;"><b>http://winning-without-losing.com/book/chapter/71</b></span></a></blockquote></div>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-79248794395424348732011-05-31T09:56:00.000-07:002011-05-31T20:37:34.285-07:00Summer Reading<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">It’s that time of year where NY single professionals, normally hard pressed to fit more than the latest news and a magazine or two into their reading schedules, hit the beaches with best selling paperbacks in hand. So, Ladies, I would like to take this opportunity to suggest a summer reading which may increase your chances of meeting “the One” far more than your great fitting white jeans or tickets to polo. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">“Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Yes, as you peruse the virtual aisles of </span><a href="http://Amazon.com/"><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#2100ad;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Amazon.com</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> I recommend placing this smart, easy read in your basket and see if it doesn't change your whole perspective as you set out in search of your summer romance.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">I actually picked this book up with great interest shortly after it came out a year ago. I had read Gottlieb’s controversial article for Atlantic Monthly the summer prior and knew that her message had stirred up a strong reaction among single professional women around the country. What advice was this pixie looking, 41 year writer going to offer single women about who we should marry, when she was not even married herself? Now, I didn’t go into it with skepticism (after all, I am a professional matchmaker - any book encouraging people to be open minded is a worthwhile read in my opinion), but rather with intense curiosity.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">I turned the pages of “Marry Him” with my head in an almost perpetual state of nodding a rabbi would have thought I was davining. It was a dose of a reality <b>BIG TIME</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. A candid assessment not just about unrealistic expectations of what we are looking for in another human being at </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">any </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">age but also a PC-stripped assessment about how these exacting expectations become more and more unrealistic and unattainable as women hit the 30+ threshold. In a no-nonsense look at her past mistakes, Gottlieb explains to the reader how she wishes she now had a chance with half the good guys she smugly turned down for trivial reasons in her twenties and early thirties. In her mind, she had all the options in the world ... until she didn’t. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">I could relate to the chapters in “Marry Him” titled “</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">How Feminism Fucked Up My Love Life</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">” and “</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">It’s Not Him, It’s You</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">”, as part of my job is coaching women who are attractive and wonderful (but who have less options than let’s say Bar Refaeli) to make smarter choices. As Gottlieb explains, women do not understand that their stock with potential partners is not rising as they pass the milestones of 30, 35, 40 simply because they have traveled the world, make a nice living, have developed a keen wit, and still look amazingly young for their age (all positive things, of course). Rather, it is declining in the eyes of men </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">looking to have a family</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. My summary of the message: women, you may think you are like a fine wine, getting better every year but the fact is, when it comes to reproducing, most fertile men (who knows any eunuchs?) want grape juice. Ok, ok, not jail bait grape juice - as one mid 30s guy I dated two years ago said to me when I made the fine wine analogy about my mid30s self: “I don’t need the wine to be quite so aged - a 29/30 year old wine is aged plenty and just right for me!” I know he sounds like a [fill in the blank] but he was just an honest guy saying what many men think.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">It’s a tough message. I have no doubt Lori Gottlieb received her share of hate mail (I am trying to get her as guest on my “Love in the Morning” radio show so hopefully she can share her experience with my listeners). I certainly read plenty of commentary by irate women blasting her on the internet. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">However, I found the story of “Marry Him” so compelling and refreshingly honest, I recommended it to friends and I started giving it to each new client female 35 and over as required reading. The reaction to it was telling. The women who responded to it with the “I don’t believe that I need to settle for an older, ugly, poor, obese, annoying, NICE man just because I’m 35” were usually the ones who needed to hear the message most and yet understood it the least. It’s as if presenting the counterargument in such an extreme makes it sound. No where does the author say anything even remotely akin to advocating ending up with someone you are not attracted to or can’t stand. But she does address why some women seem </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">only</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> to be attracted to men who don’t want a commitment with them or are “out of their league” and so they end up saying they’d rather be alone then settle. Ok, fair enough, if someone is prepared for that reality and he or she thinks that they would be happier in that scenario, that is absolutely their prerogative. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">But what if that is not the case and they will not be happier being alone? And what is “settling” after all?</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Accepting someone as not perfect but still wonderful? Choosing someone who is exactly your equal and is “settling” for you as well? The fact is, scientific research shows that the majority of people do not see themselves accurately and overestimate their own attractiveness and personality traits (not that I need scientific studies to prove this, as I encounter this psychological phenomenon all the time). However, as author Andrew Trees stated recently on my radio program, the beautiful thing about the dating market is that - ultimately - it has a way of pairing equals together. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Ok, I have to make a statement here in anticipation of any hate mail on its way to me - I do not subscribe to a defeatist, you’re over 35, your life is over, take what you can get mentality. In fact, anyone who really knows me knows I am an eternal optimist and believe that everyone brings something special and unique to the table that someone out there will appreciate. But I am pragmatic. And dedicating every waking minute to my work, I know what I am talking about when it comes to dating in NYC for the 25 -55 crowd. So no, Ladies, of course women are not over the hill at 35 - but you are higher toward the crest in the reproductive world and so you need to be aware of the changing landscape. I have friends spending thousands of dollars freezing eggs starting at 36 years old - we all could have used a fresh off the press copy of "Marry Him" when we were in our 20s. Not to encourage us to get married before we were ready but to help us balance and prioritize career and personal life. As Rex Ryan said to the Jets preparing for a stellar football season "if you want something, you pay a price." We all make choices based upon the information available to us and our value system at the time but if you can learn from someone else's life lessons </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(i.e.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Gottlieb's) a few years earlier, so much the better. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">In the interest of being an equal opportunity preacher, if there were a “Marry Her” book I would suggest that my male clients and friends go buy it (as an aside, I do know some men who have read “Marry Him” with self-vindicating glee - “</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">see it’s them, not me</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">.”). Unfortunately, I know of no such "Marry Her " book - the books that are out there specifically directed to men tend to be by pickup artists helping men to get laid. You’re much more likely to see a guy reading “The Game” than a cautionary tale about delaying marriage. If a guy is really set on marrying, he can - and will - typically make it happen.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">So as a woman who likes to empower other women, here's some helpful advice: read “Marry Him” with an open mind but with a magazine over the book cover (in all honesty, with a title such as "Marry Him" you might scare off a well intentioned, relationship oriented guy who simply doesn't know what the book is about!), put on your cutest bikini and if the guy on the beach who comes over to return your flyaway hat seems like a truly quality guy (but maybe doesn’t fit your online profile “wish list”) go on at least one date and let him buy you a gelato. He may be the summer romance that lasts the rest of your life and if you don’t go, you’ll never know... </span></span></p><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><br /></span></div>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-40977404370282717482011-04-17T19:50:00.000-07:002011-04-19T09:29:06.789-07:00Getting Creative and Proactive About Meeting “the One”<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; color:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">People are always asking me “where can I meet a great guy or girl?” and lamenting how hard it can be to meet new, quality people. My answer: </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">anywhere</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> and </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">everywhere</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> is a great place to meet someone if you (1) put yourself in the right mind set, (2) make sure you are looking and feeling your best when you walk out the door, and (3) put out warm, welcoming energy. Don’t believe me? A close friend of mine just moved in with her boyfriend who she met on a warm summer afternoon strolling down the sidewalk wearing a cute dress and a smile. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16.0pxcolor:#006311;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; color:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Unfortunately, when people think about making a concerted effort to meet someone they immediately target the most obvious places to go - trendy bars, the gym, etc. But chances are those venues are not yielding anything of consequence. Why? Because even though quality people do go to bars, people are typically lacking a quality point of reference there (the intellectual or physical stimuli helpful in creating a bond is absent and there is no way to know if you have </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">anything</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> in common with the person standing next to you). Of course, the gym provides the physical aspect that a bar does not, but how many married couples do you know who met at the gym? ... still thinking? Meeting someone at the gym sounds great in theory, but with everyone’s little iPod singing in their ears, it’s nearly impossible to strike up a conversation. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16.0pxcolor:#006311;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; color:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">So, why not exercise some CREATIVITY in your efforts to meet "the One"? Being a little more strategic in how you go about it, might in fact yield sizable results. One of the easiest ways to get started? Using the benefits of modern technology to your dating advantage. Now please know, I’m not just referring to online dating - that is one way to fool yourself into thinking you are being proactive about your love life when you're not. No, I am talking about getting online and seeing what groups out there appeal to </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">people just like you with similar interests </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">and then actually getting out there</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. </span></i></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 16.0pxcolor:#006311;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; color:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Do you feel most alive when you’re outdoors? Instead of doing a solitary run in the park, why not join a running or hiking group and see who you meet? Like to play trivia games but none of your friends care who invented the Q-Tip? (For the curious: Leo Gerstenzang in 1923 observing his wife wrapping a piece of cotton on the end of a toothpick). Why not find out which restaurant is hosting a Trivial Pursuit night and see what other trivia buffs you meet? You can’t find any groups that excite you? Then maybe it’s time to create a group of your own.* Is there an activity that has always interested you but you haven’t found the time to pursue it? Getting a group together is your first step in taking that “someday I’d like to ....” off your "to do" list, while also increasing your chances of meeting a likeminded person while you’re at it. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; color:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; color:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Maybe this sounds like obvious advice, but it's about</span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> actually</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> doing it. You know who you are going to see at so-and-so's party next weekend, or who you are going to talk to at the charity event you go to every year (because you know almost half the Facebook guest list). There are a lot of other people in the city out there who don't go to the events you go to. Who are these people and where do they go? Time to get out and be proactive. But even if you don’t meet your Prince or Princess Charming right away, don’t get discouraged - after all, you haven’t stopped going to bars or the gym, right? And at a minimum, all of your extra curricular activities make you a more interesting date whenever or </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">wherever</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> you end up bumping into Mr. or Mrs. Right! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; color:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; color:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">* </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">One possible way to go about this - check out my friend's new site Groupular (<a href="http://www.groupular.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">www.groupular.com</span></a>) a social networking site for singles that allows you to join or create any type of group to suit your needs!</span></p><p color="#006311" style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; "><br /></p><p color="#006311" style="text-align: justify;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Ready to get proactive about meeting "the One"? Personalized introductions, dating coaching, image consulting, upscale private events. www.sundayatnoon.com</span></p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-41773930217422849322011-03-20T17:58:00.000-07:002011-03-20T20:23:32.823-07:00The 40 Year Old (Emotional) Virgin<p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">We all know the very entertaining movie “The 40 Year Old Virgin” in which the main character’s co-workers marvel at the fact that a decent looking, seemingly “normal guy” (yes, he rides a bicycle instead of owning a car and collects figurines but other than that, he really seems to be a pretty average dude) has reached his fortieth year of his life without having done the deed. If any of us were to meet an “Andy” in real life who shared with us that he is still a virgin, we would likely react with even more disbelief than the characters in the film, trying to fathom how it would be possible for a “normal” person never to have had this pretty universal life experience. </span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">But what about a scenario where a man or woman has reached 40 and they have never been in love? What about a scenario where a man or woman has reached 40 and they have never dated anyone for more than a few months? They have never passed the four seasons with the same person, have never experienced the devastating heartbreak of ending things with someone they were discussing marriage with but it somehow wasn’t right ... They have never marked a year anniversary, a two year anniversary and looked back on how the relationship - and both parties in it - had grown and evolved. </span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Would you say these individuals are Steve Carell’s character’s equivalent - 40 year old emotional virgins? And if you met one of these emotional virgins, would you want to pop his or her emotional cherry or would you run for the hills? Ok, now what if the person were 35? 30? At what age does someone never having had a long term relationship raise an eyebrow? At what point, if any, is it a serious red flag?</span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Now, let’s get the question of married vs. not married out of the way. I know a lot of singles who take umbrage if you ask them why they are not married yet. People often respond with variations on the following answers: “I just haven’t met the right guy/girl, the right person got away, I always knew I wanted to get married and have a family but I wasn’t ready until now, I didn’t want to get married until recently ...” and so on. All understandable answers, some of which may be true. I certainly don’t subscribe to the philosophy that someone has to get married to be happy or be successful in life (indeed, there are plenty examples to support the contrary view). </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> However, I do think most people have an innate and profound desire for meaningful companionship. </span></b></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">And so, it initially amazed me when I started my business when I had conversations with people in their mid-to-late 30s who were part of my extended social circle who had </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">never</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> been in love or had relationships past a few months. How was that possible? Yes, you will hear excuses why someone has not had a relationship that lasted more than a few months - a loss of a family member, grad school, bad geographical location (unless you are on a deserted island, it’s hard to grasp this one), someone is a late bloomer, etc. But aren’t these just excuses after all? Of course, once you reach your 30s it helps to identify who is not going to be a life partner sooner so you don’t spend valuable time in something that is not going to further your goals. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">But at some point, whether it’s high school, college or your 20s, shouldn’t there have been someone who made the cut, some relationship that went the distance?</span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></b></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Recently, I spoke with an extremely bright, nice looking, successful guy who was in his mid30s and who had shared with me that he had not said “I love you” since he was 16 (except to his parents, of course). When I tried to get to the heart of it (I was trying to see if he could be a nice match for a client of mine), he responded by saying that when he utters the words “I love you” to a woman it’s going to be for eternity - that woman is going to be his wife. Although I tried to reason with him that while many people experience love towards people who they don’t eventually marry (especially in today’s world where the marrying age is slowly getting pushed back), it doesn’t mean that they did not experience true love - but he would not have any of it. His response was to simply reiterate that his definition of love is different. A defense mechanism to explain why he has not been in a relationship for more than a few months his entire life? Or an enlightened definition of the word?</span></span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">At the risk of antagonizing those who can identify themselves in this blog, I have come to see as result of my experience as a professional matchmaker for several years now that the people who have never had a relationship for more than a few months by their mid 30s often have one of the following issues:</span></span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></b></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-weight: normal; font-family:Georgia, serif;"></span></span></b></span></p><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(1) either they do not have a realistic view of who their equal is (this is a common scenario I see - these individuals never want to date the people who are interested in dating them, however, the men and women they are seeking to be with do not care to have a relationship with them);</span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(2) they do not have a realistic view of what a long term relationship is like and are apt throw in the towel the minute things do not go their way;</span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(3) they do not give people a chance and immediately focus on critiquing the other person’s flaws over appreciating their attributes; or</span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(4) there is something about them or something they are doing that pretty quickly makes people think they will not be a desirable life partner/parent.</span></b></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "><br /></p></b></span><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Georgia, serif;font-size:16px;"><b></b></span></p><b><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; text-align: justify; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; display: inline !important; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></p></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; text-align: justify; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; display: inline !important; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">In my professional opinion, having a loving long term relationship (or several) - even one that ends - helps us grow as individuals. They help us better understand the opposite sex. They help people reach emotional maturity and realize that while you may love someone, sometimes he or she is going to drive you crazy, frustrate you, etc. but you still love that person warts and all (not literally, of course). They prime us so that when we meet that “right person” we have a better chance of recognizing him or her and also of being a better partner.</span></span></p></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; text-align: justify; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; display: inline !important; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></p></b></span></div></b><div><b><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; text-align: justify; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; display: inline !important; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></span></p></b><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">If this blog hits close home, maybe it’s time to do some </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">real</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> soul searching or get the objective input of a third party. I write this blog with the true interest in getting reader’s opinions and commentary so, Dear Readers, feel free to weigh in!</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;"><br /></span></b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;"><br /></span></b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;">To learn more about Marni or Sunday at Noon please visit our website www.sundayatnoon.com</span></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p></div>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-64342951801667855652011-02-03T18:56:00.000-08:002011-02-03T19:23:12.856-08:00Project Valentine<p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; color: rgb(0, 1, 2); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">A few months back, my makeup artist mentioned to me that his friend in Dallas, Lisa Linehan, had started a campaign called “Project Husband” - she had picked a wedding date for herself - February 15, 2011 - and that her goal was to meet a husband between now and then. He told me how she had decided to use the world wide web to her advantage to advertise her search for a husband on YouTube.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Click link below to see Project Husband:</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(helpful advice, if you click onto this at work, lower your volume).</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#2100ad;"><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYtF83ToMXA"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYtF83ToMXA</span></a></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px ;color:#2101ad;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">As of today and over 57,000 clicks, 80 something dates and a five month relationship, there is no husband. In fact, with less than two weeks to go, the woman behind Project Husband has decided to offer the free wedding dress, wedding cake, etc. donated by inspired vendors to a worthy couple looking to tie the knot.*</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Now, I know some people watching the video of our solitary crooner are derisively labeling our protagonist as “desperate,” “pathetic” or some other variation of these words because she made her search so public. I would actually like to give this woman credit for proactively taking action to get what she wants. For whatever reason, fate had not dropped her perfect mate on her lap and at 35 she needed to take matters into her own hands (if you think 35 is old in NY to be single, imagine what it's like in Texas). The problem is she clearly went about it the wrong way.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">So, what can my loyal readers learn from our groomless bride’s mistakes? </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(1) </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">When casting a net, don’t cast such a wide net that it seems that anyone will do. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">This woman’s lyrics and opening remarks make it seem that really any person with an x chromosome would suffice (the video starts with the request asking you to listen to her song “if you’re a potential groom or know someone who could be.” Not "if you're a wonderful guy looking for a great partner"). Where does she say what she is looking for in someone? Or ask "do you measure up?" No ones wants to feel as if they are simply a means to an end. You want your potential partner to understand that you could have your pick but you choose him or her because of what makes that person unique. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(2) </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">In your search for a partner, you also need to let the other person know what YOU bring to the table.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Glaringly absent in our protagonist’s song are lyrics about WHO this woman is and what makes her interesting, what makes her desirable? What does Lisa do for fun? WHY would someone even want to date her, forget about marrying her? Oftentimes people assume that the qualities that make them unique and interesting will be readily apparently to another person - but that is not always the case. If you are not conscious of how you are presenting yourself to prospective love interests you are potentially losing opportunities (and then possibly scratching your head wondering why no one appreciates how wonderful you are!). </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(3) </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">People want what seems difficult to get - it is important to create a sense of desirability.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Remember that crafty trick you used to see in old sitcoms when women would send themselves flowers to make their boyfriends jealous? People naturally want what they believe other people want.** </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Had our Dallas friend marketed herself as having a full life with lots of guys chasing her - but not the right one yet - she would have appealed to guys’ sense of challenge and competition. Instead, by asking if someone will marry her, she just comes across as needy ... and any guy will tell you that they RUN from needy women.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><b></b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(4) </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">It helps to have an understanding of the opposite sex.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> At some point after the singing portion of her video, Lisa L. should have stepped out in front of the camera to show her body. The one photo of her holding her pooch at the end (and which looks outdated) simply doesn’t cut it. If a woman doesn’t understand that a guy is not going to be interested if he doesn’t immediately want to see that woman naked, then she really does not understand men at the most basic level. Ladies, put on some sexy (but tasteful) clothes and show your feminine side. A women who understands how the male brain works has a serious advantage over the women who do not (and the same goes for the men who understand what makes women tick). Men and women do not think the same way. Period.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(5) </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Attract with happiness and positive energy</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. Words such as “alone” and “tears” should never have made their way into the Project Husband song. I have said it many times in prior blogs, but I will say it again - people are attracted to people who exude happiness. As I am constantly telling my clients, a happy, fun demeanor is one of the most important things you can bring to the table on your date and in a relationship!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Hopefully, we have all learned a valuable lesson from our misguided songwriter. This Valentine’s Day, you don’t need to post a video on Youtube to meet your dream partner. Just be smart about how you go about your search and market yourself properly. Let people you trust know that you’re serious and looking, hire a professional, make your online profile the best it can be and use your dating time wisely. I admire Lisa in many ways as she had a plan (and has a beautiful voice) - even if it hasn’t succeeded just yet. At least she’s going after what she wants and I hope next February 15th she is happily laughing with her fiance about what she had to do to get there.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#000102;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Now don’t blame me if, like my boyfriend, you can’t get this song out of your head - it </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">is </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">catchy ... </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#000102;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color: #000102"><b></b></p><b><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande'; color:#2100ad;"><span style="font: 10.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000000;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; letter-spacing: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">* </span></span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/l/0e3be-gnHU8WFtLK0XEPtGeNKpw;www.wfaa.com/news/local/Marriage-quest-fails-so-Dallas-woman-offers-free-wedding--114510364.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">http://www.facebook.com/l/0e3be-gnHU8WFtLK0XEPtGeNKpw;www.wfaa.com/news/local/Marriage-quest-fails-so-Dallas-woman-offers-free-wedding--114510364.html</span></a></span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#2101ad;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica; min-height: 12.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">** This concept is known as social proof - a cognitive shortcut to help people prove they are making the right decision. </span></span><span style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_proof"><span style="font: 10.0px Helvetica; text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#2100ad;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_proof</span></span></a></span></p></b><p></p><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><br /></span></div>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-41070089657096037842011-01-24T08:12:00.000-08:002011-01-27T09:38:52.494-08:00Asking The RIGHT Questions in 2011<p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:14px;"><br /></span></span></i></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">“W</span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">hy couldn’t my ex-girlfriend be more supportive of me?</span></i></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></i></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><i></i></span><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">“Why couldn’t my ex-boyfriend be more appreciative of me?"</span></i></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></i></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><i></i></span><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">“If only my ex could have been more ambitious, we’d still be together. Why </span><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">couldn’t he be more ambitious?"</span></i></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></i></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><i></i></span><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">“If my ex could have just been more affectionate, we would never have gotten </span><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">divorced/broken up. Why couldn't she have </span><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">been more affectionate?”</span></i></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">These are just some of the questions people ask themselves after a relationship has ended - sometimes </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">long</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> after a relationship has ended. We all have friends who seem to recall only the good points of a less than enviable relationship and exclaim “if only so and so could have been this way [insert grievance here], we would still be happily together today. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><i>WHY</i></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> couldn’t he/she have just been that way?” In fact, most of us have been guilty of engaging in this revisionist history at some point in our lives and the unrelenting quest for the answer to </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">WHY</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Why? Because. Because he </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">wasn’t</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> that way. She </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">wasn’t</span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">that way. He/she may </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">never </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">be that way (or at least not with you) and that is probably never going to change. At some point, it's time to accept that not all questions have satisfactory answers and move on.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Now please don’t misunderstand me. Of course, men and women recently getting over a break up or divorce need to ask relevant questions and receive helpful answers so they can learn from the past. Posing these “why” questions should also help many individuals answer important questions about themselves (</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">e.g.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> “why was I so drawn to someone who did not want a real relationship with me," "what could I have done to bring out the more affection</span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">ate</span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> side of my ex," etc.). </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Perhaps your ex couldn’t give you the support/attention/praise you needed because he or she wasn’t capable.*</span></b></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></b></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Perhaps he or she didn’t give it because, as hard as it is to accept, he or she didn’t love you on the level you loved him or her.**</span></b></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></b></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Perhaps in the end he was just a self-absorbed jerk, or she was an insensitive, indifferent shrew.</span></b></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">However, the reality is that sometimes you can ask questions until Snooki receives a Nobel Peace Prize but you are never going to get an answer that makes sense of things. In the end, the answer is the same: Because. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span>Now you can keep asking the same questions looking backwards OR you can go into the new year asking more relevant questions that start with WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE and HOW - that’s right, at the risk of pissing off our third grade teachers everywhere we are swapping the fifth “w” question with an “h” - HOW. </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Just some of the questions you might ask yourself:</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">WHO</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> am I compatible with (not just attracted to)?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">WHAT</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> can I do to learn from the past and make smart choices to meet Mr. or Mrs. right in 2011?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">WHEN</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> am I going to stop making excuses about why I haven't met the right person yet and start making things happen for myself?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">WHERE</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> should I being going to meet the type of person I want to attract?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">HOW</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> am I going to go about meeting a partner who </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">is </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">supportive, affectionate, reliable, into me, etc.? </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Once you start asking these questions - positive, proactive questions - you will start getting productive answers. And, it’s my bet that once you start asking positive questions you are undoubtedly going to exude a more positive energy with the potential love interests you’re meeting in 2011. After all, “why” is so 2010 ... </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span></p><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">* Of course, there is some value in exploring why your ex wasn’t capable as it can alleviate feelings of guilt or inadequacy you may have about the relationship as well as potentially elicit feelings of understanding and empathy for your ex. But at some point, spending too much time on this once the relationship has ended is counterproductive.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">** Years ago, an old law colleague of mine made a very effective analogy when I was venting my frustration about how my ex could not step up as a boyfriend. As she put it, asking my ex to be considerate and stable was like asking my cat to go to the grocery store and pick up some cereal for me. It wasn't happening. In similar Monday morning conversations when I lamented if only Brad (names changed to protect the not so innocent) were a better boyfriend, my wise colleague also liked to use the indelicate expression “if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.” Tough love, for sure. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;"><b>Be proactive about your love life in 2011. www.sundayatnoon.com</b></span></p></span><p></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:large;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica; min-height: 12.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><i></i></b></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><i></i></b></span><br /></p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-39721637732388921752010-12-16T09:43:00.000-08:002010-12-16T10:02:37.881-08:00New Year’s Resolution for 2011<p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; color: rgb(84, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; color: rgb(84, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">It’s that time of year again ... time for the standard New Year’s resolutions which often last just as long as it takes to make them. “This year I resolve to lose ten pounds, get to the gym regularly, read more, drink less, quit smoking, save more, get more organized ...” And so it goes.</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: center; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">If you’re single looking to meet someone special and you happen to be struggling to think of a good new year’s resolution for 2011 or even if you just want to switch things up so you don’t break the </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">same</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> ones as in years past, I would be very happy to suggest a resolution that above all other resolutions should be enforced, that above all others should be remembered in March when the gym clothes still have their tags on them and your kitchen drawers are full of coupons that expired in January 2005. In fact, if you make just one resolution for 2011 let it be this one:</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Hire a matchmaker.</span></b></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">No, just kidding (though I wouldn’t argue against it as long as it’s me). </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Ok, ok. I would strongly urge you to adopt this resolution:</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 14.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Throw out “your type.”</span></b></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">That’s right. Throw it out. Toss it out along with all of the prerequisites you have for “the One” other than that your </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">type</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> is someone who is a quality person, </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">e.g.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> intelligent, interesting and kind (and, of course, someone you find physically attractive). </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Make this your resolution (and stick to it) and you may just find yourself in December 2011 spending New Year’s with the person of your dreams - although he or she may very well look very different than the person you specifically “envisioned” in your daydreams. Maybe she will have different coloring than you normally go for (</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">i.e. </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">your future Mrs. Right is in fact a tiny redhead even though you’ve always had a soft spot for tall blonds), maybe your future Mr. Right will be in a different field or industry than you’re accustomed to (</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">i.e. </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">he’s a super talented artist as opposed to a suit and tie kind of guy), maybe he or she will be more religious than you are (</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">i.e.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> he or she actually goes to church or temple), or maybe he or she lives in Brooklyn or New Jersey (God forbid a Manhattanite travel!). </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">As I say to my clients all the time, you just never know who you might connect with. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Indeed, as you might imagine, as a professional matchmaker, people are constantly telling me about their “type.” They are looking to meet someone who is “just so” and they are not even remotely interested in meeting someone who does not fall into the narrow parameters they have set.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> If you’re reading this thinking “guilty as charged” ask yourself how that “type” has worked out for you so far? Looking back to when I first started my business, I was very deferential to the blueprints I was handed by clients looking to find “the One.” But I quickly came to see that people can </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">say</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> or think that they are looking for something/someone very specific and but often completely hit it off with people who are either nothing like their “type” or have at least some </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">major </span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">differences from what they had prescribed for themselves. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">If we are all honest with ourselves, at some point in our lives we have been guilty of ruling out someone because he or she did not fall into what we thought was our “type”. But what is a “type” but a trap? A cage ... a dungeon ... a destructive limitation (anyone got any other analogies?) An obstacle that keeps people from meeting someone who could make them incredibly happy ... Don’t believe me? Ask your </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">happily</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> married friends if their spouses were exactly what they pre-envisioned for themselves and see what percentage answer with a resounding yes (hint: it will be low). Without a doubt, once you get rid of your "type" you will soon regret how picky (and unenlightened!) you were all that time and will wish you had tossed it sooner.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">So, you’re considering taking on the resolution as your own, but you’re wondering what does this resolution entail exactly? In essence, just giving people a chance. </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">For example, when your friend, colleague, family member, etc. informs you that they would love to introduce you to someone but he or she doesn’t fit the mold (but still sounds like a worthwhile person) you go ... with an open mind and a positive attitude. Or when you meet someone out on the town who is attractive, interesting and seemingly a kind person but on the surface is different than the people you are used to dating, you make plans to grab coffee or drinks and take some time to see what he or she is really about and whether this person might actually be someone who is good for you. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">In my opinion, that’s a lot more more fun than swearing off Twinkies and endlessly climbing a Stairmaster ... and if it works out, that’s a resolution you won’t have to make again next year! </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 18.0pxcolor:#540000;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0pxcolor:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#006311;"><span style="font: 6.7px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000000;"><sup>1</sup></span><span style="font: 10.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000000;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">If you’re thinking “well, I went out with this Bohemian chick once who didn’t watch tv and didn’t shave because I was trying to get away from high maintenance women for a while ... and that didn’t work out so well,” you’re missing my point. Indeed, if you veer from your type once and it doesn’t work it, it does not mean that by default your “type” is the type of person you always pursue. It simply means that you went out with someone and that person wasn’t right for you (just like with the other failed relationships with people who <b>have been </b>your “type”). Period.</span></p><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><br /></span></div><p></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 18.0pxcolor:#006311;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:-webkit-xxx-large;"></span></p><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Sunday at Noon: Matchmaking. Events. Dating Coaching & Image Consulting. Assistance With Online Profile Revision. What are you waiting for? Make it happen! www.sundayatnoon.com</span></b></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><p></p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-90661137025446210212010-11-19T11:06:00.000-08:002010-11-20T06:32:33.042-08:00The Phenomenon of the Manhattan Man-Boy<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; word-wrap: break-word; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Recently, I had a female client come to me who is truly gorgeous, stylish, smart and serious about meeting the “One.” She is a</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><i><span style="font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">woman</span></span></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">- poised, mature and elegant – and, as she explained, she is looking to meet A MAN. Someone who is, among other things, mature, sexy, confident, unfailingly responsible,</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><b><i><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">an adult</span></span></span></span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">also looking to meet<i> an adult</i></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><i>. </i></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Looking for a MAN ... in NYC ... the land of </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1290193586_1" style="color: rgb(54, 99, 136); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 2px; border-bottom-color: rgb(54, 99, 136); cursor: pointer; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Peter Pan</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. Sorry, guys, but you know where this is going …</span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Beautiful, intelligent, quality women are constantly asking me where the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1290193586_2" style="color: rgb(54, 99, 136); "><i><span style="font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">real</span></span></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">men</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">are in Manhattan (to clarify, real </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">single </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">men). Not frat boys, not commitment-phobes, not men who have dated for twenty years but still don’t know the first thing about how to interact with a woman (God, the stories I have heard about dates with seemingly normal guys!). Are they in </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1290193586_3" style="color: rgb(54, 99, 136); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 2px; border-bottom-color: rgb(54, 99, 136); cursor: pointer; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Manhattan</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">? Or are all they all in the suburbs divorced with kids?</span></span></span></span></div></div></div></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; word-wrap: break-word; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><blockquote type="cite"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><div class="Section1" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "></div></div></div></div></div></span></blockquote></div></div></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Guys, you must know that most stunning, elegant and successful women are looking to date men, not boys. So, when a guy in an effort to date a woman:</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">1) shows up on a date already buzzed from partying with his friends; or </span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">2) talks about how hung over he is ... from last week; or </span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">3) invites her out on a first or second date with all his buddies; or</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">4) uses offensive locker room language with a female he just met</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">he advertises upfront that while he may use the Men's bathroom, this person is far from the MAN she is seeking.</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Now please don't get me wrong, guys, I'm not saying you need to be a boring stodge. The guy whose predominate character is that of a MAN let's say 80% of the time but every so often likes to watch an adolescent flick, enjoys going crazy over his fantasy football picks or looks forward to occasionally hanging out with his posse and having a few too many drinks is NOT who I am addressing here. I know a good number of quality men in NYC who enjoy the foregoing and who are indeed MEN and are very good catches (many are my clients). No, what I am talking about here is the man-child. Whose breakdown is the inverse - 20:80 in favor of the child. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">So, my new client’s comments got me thinking about </span></span></span><b><span style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">why, here in this fantastic city of ours, a 40 year old man is often the equivalent of a 25 year old everywhere else in the country</span></span></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. </span></span></span><b><span style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">What about living in Manhattan stunts many men’s emotional growth? What are the qualities that even make a male “a man”</span></span></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> - is it gauged by his technical years on this planet or a level of being that is evolved, emotionally mature and stable?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">According to the Jewish faith, a boy becomes a man at 13 – hence the </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1290193586_4" style="color: rgb(54, 99, 136); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">bar mitzvah</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. But if anyone were to look at a scrawny, pimply, seventh grader awkwardly trying to ask his crush on a date, it’s pretty evident that the being before you is most definitely</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><i><span style="font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">male</span></span></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">but clearly not yet a man. You might think by 21 when a “guy” has certain adult rights – he can finally drive, vote, carry a gun and legally purchase alcohol – he might be a “man.” However, a visit to any college frat house on a </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1290193586_5" style="color: rgb(54, 99, 136); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 2px; border-bottom-color: rgb(54, 99, 136); cursor: pointer; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Saturday night</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> will assure you that the being with the x chromosome shotgunning a beer in his underwear is closer in his maturity level to his high school brethren than a man bringing home the bacon.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Similarly, according to conventional wisdom, you might expect that when a guy gets out of college, dons a suit and starts being trusted with a certain level of responsibility that you will see a noticeable development in the trajectory of manhood. Yet, in NYC, you have many males who have met some objective criteria of manhood – 30</span></span></span><sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">th</span></span></span></sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">birthday, 40</span></span></span><sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">th</span></span></span></sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">birthday, etc., making partner at their law firm or managing director at their bank – and yet you can catch them on any (and every) given weekend getting wasted, possibly doing the worm on the bar floor, playing beer pong, hooking up with random girls, incapable of having a committed relationship, acting completely inappropriately on dates and going home to a rental apartment with no pictures on the wall and crappy furniture (to avoid any confusion, a man-boy can own his apartment and still be a man-boy - the failure to purchase anything is simply a possible indication that this person does not want the responsibility or commitment that comes with owning anything. It also may be a smart financial decision to rent. The totality of his lifestyle and actions is what we are talking about here).</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">These guys outwardly look like “men” – they might have some wrinkles, possibly some grey hairs on their head and elsewhere (... I am talking about their chests, please!) – but inside their maturity level is virtually on par with the 22 year old doing keg stands on fraternity row. In fact, they watch and laugh at the same juvenile movies as the 13 year old who laughs at fart humor, play the same video games as the 15 year old whose mom still does his laundry and go to the same nightspots and try to pick up the same women as the 23 year old who the year prior was calling these guys “sir” on their interviews.</span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">What’s behind this stunt in many NYC men’s emotional maturity? Why, might you ask, are some 42 year olds in NY often living</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><b><span style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">the same life</span></span></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">as a 22 year old? Elsewhere in the country, nay the world, a guy in his 30s or 40s would have some responsibility for something – a house, a kid, a dog … a fish. Something or someone they have to look after other than themselves. I'm not saying you have to have a bunch of kids and a white picket fence to be a MAN. But for these Manhattan man-boys their own satisfaction has been their sole focus since birth and</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> adding to their stunted development is the fact that </span></span></span><b><span style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">their lives are almost exactly the same as they were in 1995 (</span></span></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">except they have potentially upgraded their neighborhood, they can indulge in more expensive toys and can treat themselves to better vacations). Otherwise, NOTHING IN THEIR LIVES HAS CHANGED, including their maturity level.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">What’s behind this phenomenon? I am sure a little bit of research in some psychology journals would come up with a whole host of answers on how we are evolving. Clearly, the landscape has changed since two thousand years ago when boys “became men” at 13 (it made sense then – people lived until 40 and so a </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1290193586_6" style="color: rgb(54, 99, 136); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">midlife crisis</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> came at 25). The world is also a very different place even since the 60s or 70s when our fathers became men in their 20s, getting married and having a complete family by 30. We live longer, we postpone responsibility longer and we have a sense of entitlement that none of the previous generations have had. We now have drugs like Viagra and Botox (yes, even the men) to postpone age/aging even more. It’s interesting to contemplate</span></span></span><b><span style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">… if we are pushing the age of men’s maturity back every decade, in 50 or 100 years will a guy have to hit 70 before he's too old to be doing keg stands? </span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><b><span style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"></span></span></span></span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">While some women may go on a few dates with the man-boy, many quality women will write him off quickly once they see signs that he is offering the role of a playmate not partner. Without a doubt, that guy that demonstrates on a date (1) that he takes care of himself (<i>e.g.</i> instead of talking about how he was out until 4am the night before, he talks about how he loves to cook and tries to buy organic), (2) that he can add value to another person's life (<i>e.g.</i> instead of talking about the fact that he couldn't commit to his "psycho" ex-girlfriend of 5 years, he talks about how he frequently helps his mother with projects around his parents' house - I mean, what woman doesn't find a guy who can build/fix things sexy?!) and (3) that he knows how to be a gentleman (<i>e.g.</i> instead of saying goodbye at the restaurant door, puts his date into a cab or walks her to the subway showing concern for her safety) is the guy who is going to attract the gorgeous, sexy and smart woman who has got her stuff together. </span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">And a guy who's a </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">MAN in every good sense of the word but can still show a boyish playfulness and charm when appropriate - now that's the guy to be. If you know one, please feel free to send him my way - I know a few hundred women who would love to meet him!</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family:verdana, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(39, 2, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><b>Sunday at Noon: Matchmaking. Events. Dating Coaching & Image Consulting. Assistance With Online Profile Revision. What are you waiting for? Make it happen! www.sundayatnoon.com</b></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; word-wrap: break-word; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><blockquote type="cite"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; font-family:Helvetica;font-size:medium;"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-family:times, serif;font-size:10pt;"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-family:times, serif;font-size:10pt;"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-family:times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div class="Section1" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><div style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0in; text-align: justify; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;color:#270200;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div></div></div></div></div></div></span></blockquote></div></div></div><blockquote type="cite" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:Helvetica;font-size:medium;"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; word-wrap: break-word; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><blockquote type="cite"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; font-family:Helvetica;font-size:medium;"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-family: times, serif; font-size: 10pt; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-family: times, serif; font-size: 10pt; "><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-family: times, serif; font-size: 12pt; "><div class="Section1" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "></div></div></div></div></div></span></blockquote></div></div></blockquote></span>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-60491397300566990242010-10-01T12:28:00.000-07:002010-10-01T13:24:46.734-07:00Stop ... Put Down Those Manolos!<p><span style="font-size:130%;">As some of you may know, I recently took on a wonderful new associate. She is beautiful, bright, hardworking, professional, elegant and … fresh out of college. As I talk with her, I can’t help but look at her as a beautiful blank slate fifteen years my junior with her whole future ahead of her. Recently, we got onto the topic of <strong>finances</strong> and I shared with her advice – a warning, really - I truly wish someone had imparted to me when I was her age. As I think it is wisdom all fashion-loving, stylish, NYC PYTs could benefit from, I share it here:<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong><br />Ladies, if you are spending your whole paycheck on stylish clothes, expensive shoes and trendy restaurants, you may just be spending your way out of a future relationship.</strong><br /><br />Ok, ok, I know – there are likely at least a few angry readers exclaiming what <em>about the men? Many of them have financial issues too!!</em> I know the same advice I am offering could easily be directed at the guys – possible blog title: <em>Put Down That 52” Flat Screen!</em> - but I am focusing on the women for today’s blog because research shows that:</span></p><ul><li><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">While U.S. consumers in their 20s and 30s as a whole suffer from debt that can have a far-reaching impact on their lives, young women appear to be under the greatest pressure. Experts note that females between the ages of 18 and 34 may be experiencing the heaviest debt load, with credit cards often a contributing factor.</span></strong><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">[1]</span></strong></a></li></ul><p><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong></p><ul><li><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Statistics show that men and women handle money differently. While there are exceptions to every rule, men generally are better prepared for retirement, are more willing to put money into savings, pay off credit card balances in full and are more educated about investing.</span></strong><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">[2]</span></strong></a><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span></strong></li></ul><p><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong></p><ul><li><div align="left"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">…[s]ingle women 25-34 seek credit help in greater numbers than single men in the same demographic group. A further look at the records shows that one of the reasons for the disparity is the amount women spend on clothing and personal care items.</span></strong><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">[3]</span></strong></a></div></li></ul><p align="left"><span style="font-size:130%;">I actually just watched a story last week on one of the morning shows about a woman whose fiancée broke up with her when he learned about her massive credit card debt. Now I know some of you are thinking, well they obviously didn’t have a marriage-worthy relationship in the first place and that is probably true (apparently his issue was that she had grossly understated her debt while they were dating and when he learned the real number as they prepared for the wedding he felt he had been lied to and could not trust her) but there is a bigger point here. If you are spending away and racking up credit card debt like there’s no tomorrow (at the potential expense of paying off student loans), you may find yourself in ten years down the road with a financial albatross tied around your neck. And it could very well become a real problem in your love life.<br /><br />Indeed, I’m not sure if my polished Cavalli-clad female readers are aware of just how unsexy significant credit card debt is to most men – it’s like being a closet smoker. And <strong><em>it scares them</em></strong>. Upon hearing about financial mismanagement, most guys immediately wonder:<br /><br /><em><strong>“Is she going to be spending all of the money I make?”<br /><br />“Can I provide the lifestyle for her that she is providing for herself?”<br /><br />“Does she exercise good judgment or is she buying a pair of Jimmy Choos over investing in her 401K?”<br /><br />“Is all of</strong></em> <strong><em>my hard earned money going to go to paying off her debt?”<br /><br />“Is she going to ruin my credit?”</em></strong><br /><br />Now, trust me, I know how easy it is for a girl to get caught up in spending in this city – the minute you walk out the door you are surrounded with beautiful, tantalizing items that would all look so fantastic on you. NY is a tricky place - it’s not like the rest of the country where you have to go out of your way to go shopping (I lived in Atlanta for a few years where, if you wanted to buy something, you had to get in your car and proactively drive to the mall) … <strong>in NY, shopping comes to you</strong>. Virtually every city street is lined with enticing boutiques so that you can’t even go to work – or the bank to make a deposit - without temptation staring you in the face. How is one supposed to resist - it’s entrapment, really (anyone want to start a class action against the city?!).<br /><br />And of course, there is the pressure to look great when everyone around you is wearing the latest fashion trend and looking like a model straight out of Lucky Magazine. But the point here is to <strong>STOP and THINK before you SPEND</strong>. Discipline and responsibility are not just words – but major lifelong assets. You don’t want to be dependant on your guy, you don’t want to be embarrassed by your financial situation and you don’t want to be in a position where money is causing an awkward dynamic between the two of you (such as a creditor/debtor feeling).</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4"><span style="font-size:130%;">[4]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> It is far better for you and your relationship to come in financially savvy, self sufficient and operating from a position of strength and pride.<br /><br />Ok, that’s my public service announcement for the day – please stay tuned for the next blog as I take on the phenomenon of the Manhattan Man-Boy (but for a few extra grey hairs on his head and more expensive toys, nothing else has changed in his life since 1998…).</span> </p><p align="left"><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1">[1]</a> <a href="http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/young-women-suffer-from-greater-debt.php">http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/young-women-suffer-from-greater-debt.php</a><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2">[2]</a> http://www.billshrink.com/blog/5865/men-vs-women-financial-planning<br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3">[3]</a> <a href="http://www.bcdebt.com/a770054-debt-more-likely-to-gobble-up-career-oriented.cfm" target="_blank">http://www.bcdebt.com/a770054-debt-more-likely-to-gobble-up-career-oriented.cfm</a><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4">[4]</a> Research shows that as both genders age they tend to save more and that after 50 the women catch up with the men. But the reasons for the disparity in the 20s and 30s is interesting. Unfortunately, it is still the case that boys are often are raised to be savers whereas not as many mothers or fathers focus on giving their daughters financial advice. Also, there is no question women have more pressure when they are younger to look good and spend their money on nice clothes, hair and makeup, etc. I would also speculate that the belief/hope that some younger women have that they are eventually going to meet their knight in shining armor who is going to take care of all of their financial issues probably also affects some women’s spending decisions and attitude towards their debt. My friend’s cousin actually started a company called Learnvest (<a href="http://www.learnvest.com/">http://www.learnvest.com/</a>) focused on helping women learn how to take control of their finances. Now that’s a Fan Page to like on Facebook!</p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-18532260365968078192010-09-20T07:56:00.000-07:002010-09-20T08:35:48.299-07:00One Step Closer to Divinity<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Recently, I was speaking with a friend who had broken up with his girlfriend </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">and was clearly distressed about it. As we sat over dinner, he explained </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">how, early on in their relationship, he had screwed up by failing to attend </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">an event that was apparently very important to his ex. I listened as he </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">told me how there had been a pretty bad snow storm that night, the party was </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">out on Long Island and he didn't want to get stuck out there, and he really </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">didn't think it was a big deal if he didn't go. He was wrong. Over the next few months,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> the skipped party was raised multiple times by his ex as a source of </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">anger and hurt (his failure to brave the elements being interpreted as not </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">caring about her). When they broke up over the summer, this incident was </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">raised again and it was clear that no amount of apologies on his part could </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">ever erase the cloud that this perceived slight placed over their </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">relationship.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">As I listened to this story, my immediate response was in defense of my </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">friend ... concluding that he was better off without her, judging that she </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">clearly had a problem and that he deserved better. I mean, why was this girl </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">still harping on this fight months later? Why couldn't she get over it and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">just move on? However, as I considered the story for a moment I realized </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">that I too have been guilty of the same thing (yes, even matchmakers are not </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">perfect). In a recent argument with my boyfriend, my normally sweet and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">wonderful guy said a few things that were less than loving. We had </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">supposedly kissed and made up but unbeknownst to him, each time I replayed </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">it my head I was left newly angry. He had moved on, but I was remembering </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">the exchange word for word. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">In a moment of objectivity, I then considered the various times I have said </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">things I wish I could take back and done things that have offended others </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">even when that was not my intention - and when I asked for forgiveness, my </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">desire was not to just be appeased with empty words but to be forgiven </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">entirely</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. Certainly, if I have asked this of others, I should be able to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">give it return.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Yes, people make mistakes. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">We err</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">.* Indeed, we will all be the </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">transgressor and the transgressed at some point in a relationship. It is as </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">certain as death and taxes. The critical question is what happens next? If </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">someone you are dating does something insensitive, says something rude, or </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">acts in a way that is disrespectful, of course you have a right to take </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">offense. You have a right to voice your feelings (which is always a better </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">alternative than not saying anything and letting animosity fester), to ask </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">for an apology and for an assurance that the hurtful conduct will not happen </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">again. If someone cannot offer a sincere apology (we all know a terse "I'm </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">sorry, what do you want to do, draw blood?" response is probably not going </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">to cut it) or guarantee that he or she won't do that again, then you need to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">think about whether you can - or should - let it go or whether you need to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">end things. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">On the other hand, if someone has wronged you but is truly remorseful </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(I know if my friend could do it over he would be at that party even if it </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">meant snowshoeing it there), it's important for your relationship that you </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">can find it in your heart to forgive. <b>Because if a relationship is going to </b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><b>survive - </b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">and thrive </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><b>- a short memory when it comes to misdeeds is an asset.</b> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">And the ability to forgive is </span></b><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">essential</span></b></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> If you claim to forgive someone </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">but still continue to punish that person long after the fact by reminding </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">him or her of whatever nonsense took place months prior, you are writing </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">your relationship's own death sentence. <b>Let it go or end it, but don't </b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><b>carry it into the future.</b> If you can't let it go, maybe you need to ask yourself why - are you <i>looking</i> for an excuse to end things with that person (perhaps my friend's ex was) or are you someone who is simply incapable of forgiving?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">For members of the Jewish faith, the past ten days represented a period of </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">self-examination and repentance. As the tradition goes, in this time period </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">if someone asks for forgiveness the aggrieved party </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">must</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> feel incumbent to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">extend forgiveness with a full heart. Even though the high holidays have </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">just passed (and even if you aren't Jewish), these principles can be applied</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">all year long - and we all just may find our New Year is indeed happier and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">healthier.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">* "Ah ne'er so dire a Thirst of Glory boast,<br />Nor in the Critick let the Man be lost!<br />Good-Nature and Good-Sense must ever join;<br /><b>To err is human, to forgive divine."</b><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15.8333px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /><a href="http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/666955"></a></span></span></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15.8333px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><a href="http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/666955">Alexander Pope (1688-1744)</a></span></span></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;font-size:medium;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Ready to get proactive about your love life. Make it happen. marni@sundayatnoon.com</span><br /></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-38749108191069594172010-08-23T07:52:00.000-07:002010-08-23T14:12:36.736-07:00Partnership Track<span style="font-size:130%;">Recently I spoke with a girl – in other parts of the country they’d exclusively use the term woman – who is 36 and who told me that she had just hooked up with a 26 year old guy while out east in the Hamptons. She explained to me that she didn’t look 36, though, and that people often mistook her to be in her late 20s. I saw her pictures (she was interested in potentially becoming a client but was still very unsure about whether she needed anyone’s assistance with finding someone and she was very independent and “could be very happy alone”) - and I <em>might</em> give her early 30s. But the fact is that she is 36.<br /><br />Now some people might say “you go girl” to this modern Ms. Robinson but the question is, where is she going? No doubt that the boy toy is great for a night of "fun" but ultimately it becomes crystal clear that eye candy is not particularly nutritious and you’d probably be better served changing your diet. (Ok, ok, I know it’s <em>very </em>hard to resist the young gun with the washboard abs and boyish smile who pursues you with an urgency that is often lacking with the older guys - an urgency which invariably falls off after a week of texting…).<br /><br />Indeed, for all her talk about being happily single and having fun, I know this girl/woman will find herself in two or three more summers in the Hamptons sipping drinks at a parking lot on the side of the road thinking “for some reason, this seemed more fun a few years ago...” And then she will be 38 or 39. Not a great place to be for a single woman looking to get married in this very competitive, youth driven city.<br /><br />What amazes me - or truthfully troubles me - about women in their mid to late 30s/early 40s in New York is that a good number of them are so unaware of the fact that no matter how young they <em>think</em> they look, or how much money they make, or what exclusive events or parties they go to, or how many people they know, or how many guys “hit on” them (but don’t stick around for more), <strong>their age is their age – and it is working against them each birthday.<br /></strong><br />While many NYC women might like to make the analogy that they are like a fine wine, I hate to break it to you, Ladies, most men who are looking to eventually get married and have a family are NOT looking at you that way. It is the unfortunate reality with men that younger is typically better. Why? There is no pressure to get married and have kids <em>immediately</em> with girls in their late 20s/early 30s. Also, naturally, there is less reason to worry that there are going to be fertility problems (yes, anyone who’s informed on this subject knows that men have them too but somehow they always get overlooked). And simply put, men are hardwired from thousands of years of evolution to believe that younger (<em>i.e.</em> more fertile) is simply better. The same way taller is typically more desirable to women when it comes to men – that’s just the way it is.<br /><br />A guy friend of mine - who is in fact an exceptionally good guy - put it quite well recently. He told me about a date he went on with a woman who demonstrated such a sense of entitlement that he was forced to admit: “If I wanted to deal with this kind of attitude, I might as well date a 28 year old, not some 38 year old spoiled princess. Does she realize at this age, she needs to lose the attitude?” He is now dating a 27 year old (and he is 44).<br /><br /><strong>“<em>Just hold on a minute Sunday at Noon Blog, what precisely are you saying?”</em> </strong>some readers may be thinking. What does this mean? Women have no value after 35? Women shouldn’t love themselves at any age? Women should settle for losers because they are 38?<br /><br />I am sure this blog is going to cause ire among a certain group of readers, but let’s get rid of all that nonsense. For starters, I am 37 so, clearly, I do not think that 35+ women have lost their value. But being that I know what the lay of the land is so to speak, I am just going to say it – <strong>Ladies, it’s time to wake up.</strong> You are not 25 anymore – and you don’t want to be 25 – there was too much drama and insecurity back then and you put up with way too much bs from the wrong guys. So what <em>am</em> I saying? <strong>That it’s time to consider acting your age and acting in a way that will get you what you presumably want – a wonderful partner who is your equal and who will love you and appreciate you and want to build a future with you. </strong><br /><br />Let me elaborate. As many of my readers know, I am an attorney by training and practiced law for ten years before starting my business helping people take control of their love lives. There is a familiar saying in the legal world: <strong>if you want people to see you as “partner material,” you need to act like a partner.</strong> You need to dress like a partner, think like a partner and act like you are <em>already </em>a partner. The same goes for dating.<br /><br />If you are looking to meet someone with the potential to be your future husband, you need to be acting like a potential future wife. That means not hooking up with 26 year old boy toys who are not offering you anything other than possibly good sex and an ego boost. That means not getting drunk with your girlfriends anymore until 2 in the morning or drinking too much on your first dates and going home and hooking up. That means accepting a good man despite his “flaws” because he is accepting you despite your age and your “flaws” (whatever they may be). I often hear women who are 35+ rejecting men because they are losing their hair, are not tall enough, have a few extra pounds, etc. I want to say to these women (and sometimes have) do <em>you </em>have cellulite? Do you think men looove wrinkles? I tend to think not. Do you have a perfect ass? A body like a 22 year old? They are accepting you for your imperfections, why can’t you do the same?<br /><br />So, Ladies, here is a friendly suggestion (please know that while the blog may be blunt, the commentary is conveyed with the most sincere intention to help): why not take a moment to reassess your priorities, start acting your age and start considering the men you are meeting as a potential <strong>partner ... </strong>you might just find you get treated the same way in return.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>Goodbye Summer, Hello Fall!</strong> Ready to meet that special someone - make it happen! Personalized introductions, dating coaching, image consulting and assistance with online profile creation/revisions. <a href="http://www.sundayatnoon.com/">http://www.sundayatnoon.com/</a></span>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-80391944580878967132010-07-27T15:27:00.000-07:002010-08-18T16:55:49.319-07:00Gender Bender<span style="font-size:130%;">I recently looked up the term metrosexual and the definitions I came across described a man who has a high disposable income, lives or works in the city, is overly concerned with his appearance (<em>e.g.</em> vain, loves to shop, gets manicures, laser hair removal, etc.) and who displays attributes <em>stereotypically </em></span><span style="font-size:130%;color:#000000;">associated with women or homosexual</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color:#000000;"> men (that is, NOT stereotypical male</span> qualities). Indeed, modern day life in NYC has definitely blurred gender lines to such an extent that I know certain self-proclaimed Casanovas who are so in touch with their feminine side and/or exhibit such a sense of style that every woman (and non-metrosexual guy) I know is convinced that they are gay. I often wonder if they realize that is the looming question every time they walk away from hitting on a girl.<br /><br />But, there is the flip side of the coin that no one talks about – the Alpha Female who is as equally unappealing to the men, Ladies, as the uber-metrosexual male is to you. Certainly, we all know her though none of my male clients want to meet her. She is more often than not successful, self-reliant, loud-spoken, opinionated and domineering. She may even be hot with a killer body, wearing a mini-skirt and a garter belt underneath but ultimately she is still exuding a masculine energy and a harshness that is just not attractive. And while no guys are wondering if she is gay when she walks away, they are happy to let her leave. Then they turn their attention to the foreign cutie in the corner or the girl at the bar with the soft Southern accent and enjoy being in the presence of a graceful and sexy woman.<br /><br />Yes, Ladies, another “Don’t Shoot the Messenger” blog: I hear far too many men complain that <em><strong>New York women simply do not know how to be feminine</strong>. </em>And this is really such a shame because femininity is appealing, femininity is sexy and exuding femininity can often be much more <strong>powerful</strong> than bulldozing your dates, co-workers, etc. with masculine energy.<br /><br />Unfortunately, this city breeds a certain type of Alpha Female who thinks that power is found in speaking in <strong>harsh, loud, strident tones</strong> (yes, there is a New York way of speaking a la Bethenny Frankel that simultaneously indicates that the speaker will cut you down to size and castrate you and then tell all of her friends about it). This way of speaking may or may not get results in the office, but in regard to dating scientific studies show that it is <em><strong>not</strong></em> effective as men consistently rate women as more attractive when they speak in a pleasant tone of voice. So, Ladies, why not give it a try - speak in a softer voice and see if you don't notice a little more chivalrous treatment.<br /><br />Indeed, these same Alpha Females can often be observed virtually marching down the street, office hallway, etc. when they could benefit immensely from walking with a bit of finesse and grace. Just the other week I was talking with a guy friend who commented that he is always drawn to European women because they “just know how to move better than New York women.” Something to think about, Ladies.<br /><br />Equally unappealing, these Alpha Females are often know-it-alls on their dates ... they know <em>everything</em> about sports, <em>everything </em>about finance, everything about EVERYTHING and there isn’t possibly anything these guys can teach them because, well, they know everything. After a date like that, imagine what a breath of fresh air it is for a guy when he meets a woman who shows curiosity and appreciation for the things he wants to share with her (as I have had to explain to some of my female clients, men like to teach – let them!).</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1"><span style="font-size:130%;">[1]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> Unlike their Latin sisters who typically go out of their way to make a man feel like a man and who know when to let him take charge of a situation (<em>e.g.</em> to protect those around him – a very natural male instinct), many New York women make sure the guy knows that they intend to wear the pants in the relationship and the pants will be Prada. While the metrosexual male may want to get into those Prada pants, that’s about it.<br /><br />Now please know that I am not saying that women should be penalized for being smart, successful and having opinions. To the contrary, the men with whom I speak are <em><strong>very </strong></em>attracted to women who can counter a fun loving jibe with a witty retort or who can beat them in a game of tennis or golf. Let’s be crystal clear – the quality guys I know are definitely not looking for a doormat. What I <em>am</em> saying, however, is that it’s no surprise that a guy will often forgo this "metrosexual equivalent" female emitting masculine, harsh energy and who thinks it's funny and cool that she doesn’t know how to cook to instead choose spending time with a woman who is sweet, supportive, appreciative, graceful, feminine and can occasionally prepare a dish or two.<br /><br />The unfortunate reality is that sometimes it’s necessary for women here to adopt a tough exterior to survive in the dog eat dog world of corporate New York. However, Ladies, if you learn how to skillfully flip the switch and leave your Alpha Female in the office you will likely see a whole new response from the men around you. As I stated in my First Date Tool Box Lecture, men don’t want to date a man (at least the straight ones don’t) – where’s Jean Nate when you need it?!</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2"><span style="font-size:130%;">[2]</span></a><br /><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1">[1]</a> An additional piece of advice: men love women who know how to let the man lead on the dance floor. By following, it doesn’t mean you are subservient, it just means that you recognize that you can’t have two people leading and dance well together!<br /><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2">[2]</a> For those readers who aren’t children of the 70s, Jean Nate was a famous ad campaign where the protagonist entered the ad swishing her hair and singing how she could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget she was a woman – ah, the memories!Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-64128088998648105902010-06-09T07:37:00.000-07:002010-06-10T21:10:44.462-07:00The Summer Getaway<p><span style="font-size:130%;">Walking outside on the concrete city sidewalks on perfect summer days like yesterday, you can’t help but daydream about all of the wonderful things you could be doing by the ocean or in the mountains … Not to worry, the weekend is just a few days away and the relaxation (or adventure) can begin. If you’re single with no particular love interest in your life, it’s simple – you’ll gather your typical partners in crime and go to where the guys and the girls are. If you’re in a relationship, it’s also easy - you can rebook that romantic bed and breakfast you stayed at last summer. Done.<br /><br />But for those individuals who are in that no man’s land – somewhere between a first date and enough dates to know each other’s annoying habits but still like that person anyway – the prospect of inviting this new spirit to share in your wanderlust is fraught with both excitement and concern. Suddenly, images of frolicking in the ocean and outdoor tiki torch lit dinners give way to myriad complicated questions:</span></p><ul><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Is it too soon to spend the whole weekend away with this person?</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">What does it <em>mean</em> that he asked me to go away? </span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">What, if anything, will she read into this invitation?</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">What if things go terribly wrong and I can’t stand this person’s face by day two?</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">What if things go well – am I prepared to have sex with this person? Am I prepared to be exclusive with this person?</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Who pays for what? If I am the invitee do I have to pay for <em>anything </em>at all?</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Tough questions, and obviously, the answers can vary depending on the circumstances.</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2"><span style="font-size:130%;">[1]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> Too bad there isn’t a guidebook that, in addition to walking you through your various hotel and restaurant options, asks you: </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong><em>are you really ready to take this trip? Please answer this five page questionnaire before you book. You can thank us later.<br /><br /></em></strong>Nevertheless, in an effort to shed some light on these questions, let’s start with <strong>the request to go away for the weekend – what does it mean? </strong>Under most circumstances, it is usually the guy initiating the request for a weekend trip and so I am going to work with that “sexist” assumption for purposes of this blog. Ladies, you might be inclined to think that if a guy is asking you to take a weekend jaunt with him it is a promising sign of his level of interest … but be <em>very careful</em> before you read too much into it as that isn’t always the case.<br /><br />The new man in your life may have a pattern of asking women he is just starting to date to go away with him (this is particulary likely to be true if he has a vacation house at the proposed destination). He may just have a strong desire to get away and doesn’t want to go by himself. And, of course, he may just simply want to get laid. But please don’t take me for a Debbie Downer - sometimes a man’s request to take you on a weekend getaway can be a very good indication of his level of interest and so the excitement with which you share the news with your friends will be entirely justified.</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3"><span style="font-size:130%;">[2]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /><strong>Accepting the request to go away.</strong> So, you’re inclined to accept because you are comfortable in the connection you two have and believe that his intentions are good. Still, you should ask yourself "do I know this person well enough to be stuck playing house with him for a few days?" A friend of mine recently went on a date in the city with a guy who has a house in the Hamptons and they had a great time. After their first date, he invited her out east. She debated about going but ultimately accepted because the weekend sounded so appealing (perfect weather, tennis, lots of great meals). After 24 hours, she was texting me how she could not wait for the weekend to be over. As she recounted after, it was painful.<br /><br /><strong>Lesson to be learned:</strong> going away before you’ve had at least several good dates and at least a sleepover or two is probably not a good idea. <strong>As a rough rule of thumb, you’re probably safe going away after five or six dates. </strong>By then, you hopefully know the person well enough to feel comfortable with him or her and you can feel relatively assured that there is not going to be some type of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde transformation.<br /><br />Another cause for pause for the women could be a strong desire to go away countered by a fear of rushing things in the beginning and potentially jeopardizing the longevity of the relationship. This is a valid concern and can be a tough call. When you first start dating someone there is a sense of mystery about the other person – you know very little about this new object of your affection and the tiny tidbits of information you get on each date are rewarding and intriguing. However, after four hours (each way) in the car singing 80s music off key together, hearing about each other’s childhoods or relationship war stories (coupled with the 24/7 time together away), sharing a bathroom together, waking up <em>sans</em> make up, with matted hair and morning breath it is inevitable that some of that “new mystery feeling” is going to be gone. In addition, you’re not going through the exciting process of “scheduling” time together because, well, you’re together all day long … You’ve jumped a whole level in the dating game that can never be regained. Something to take into consideration.<br /><br />Of course, there is the upside. Should you have a great weekend away together, you will have started off your relationship creating some wonderful memories. Instead of meeting for drinks or dinner, you are experiencing something fresh and new together which is always welcome after you’ve been on countless dinner dates. Naturally, you will likely get to know this person on many more levels now that you are away from the stress of work and our demanding city life. And, of course, seeing that you can enjoy each other’s company for hours on end is extremely valuable. The pros are looking good so you go…<br /><br />Ok, now you’re having a phenomenal time which leads to <strong>the sex question</strong>. We all know that the weekend away expedites the question of when sex enters the picture. Are you booking two rooms or one? Are you sleeping in the same bed? (Ladies, the guy’s assumption is going to be that you are staying in the same bed unless you disabuse him of that notion. If you have an issue with this, you definitely want to iron these questions out before you hop into the car or train). </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>From the men I’ve spoken to, the vast majority believe that it’s almost a foregone conclusion that if you’re planning a weekend trip together there’s going to be sex. Women, you might be on exactly the same page or not, but you need to be aware of this.<br /><br /></strong>Then there is the question of <strong>who pays</strong>. Guys, if you’re asking a girl away for the weekend, it’s fair to assume you have at least all major expenses covered (lodging, rental car, dinners). But, Ladies, this doesn’t mean you should look at the weekend as an all expenses included trip allowing you to leave your wallet at home. The one thing many of the men I speak to state they can’t stand is a woman who won’t open her purse on a trip to even purchase her own pack of gum. At a minimum, you can’t go wrong at least offering to pick up a lunch or dinner. If the guy is dripping in money, it’s my opinion he absolutely should not accept the offer, but otherwise, a more normal guy will likely appreciate the effort to contribute a little. Certainly, one of the most important travel tips I can give is to <strong>show appreciation</strong>. Someone just took the time to plan a nice trip and spend money on a weekend away for the two of you. Saying thank you at the end of the weekend with a nice note or home cooked meal can go a long way.<br /><br />And the million dollar question: <strong>What does this weekend retreat mean for the relationship?</strong> Potentially nothing. Potentially everything. Guys, be on notice that what started as an innocent idea for a carefree weekend excursion can lead to serious expectations by the time you’re putting her Louis Vuitton bags back in the trunk on Sunday afternoon. You’ve now (potentially) been intimate - are you exclusive? You just spent a sizable amount of time together - are you going to be talking each day? Seeing each other more frequently? Some women might give the weekend away far more meaning than you do, so if you don’t want to deal with the questions that will inevitably arise once you are back to reality, you may want to postpone your summer get away a few more weeks.<br /><br />But the good news is that once you have all these vexing questions out of the way, you’re on your way to a weekend of summer lovin.’ Bon Voyage!<br /></span><br /><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2">[1]</a> Should the potential weekend away involve a wedding or meeting someone’s family members, the decision is even tougher and requires even more deliberation. You are entering a whole new dimension of the weekend getaway conundrum.</p><p><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3">[2]</a> But, women, you still have to be wary. Many times when a guy is really into a woman he has just started dating (often pre-sex) he will start planning all sorts of weekend excursions with the most sincere intentions … but there’s no guarantee that he will <em>still</em> feel that way three weeks from now. Also, be suspect of the guy who is insanely into you right away. For example, he’s talking about planning a trip in the Fall (when it’s still May) and you’re not even speaking on a consistent basis.<br /></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Why wait until the end of summer to take proactive steps to meet someone wonderful? Now is the perfect time to do something for yourself and potentially be planning a romantic summer getaway of your own! </span></strong><a href="http://www.sundayatnoon.com/"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">www.sundayatnoon.com</span></strong></a><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span></strong></p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-85353127152613721972010-05-09T19:56:00.000-07:002010-08-18T16:56:30.210-07:00Imperfect Perfection<span style="font-size:130%;">Think of someone you think the world of, someone you adore. Maybe your mother. Or your father. Your sister ... or brother. Or perhaps your closest friend. Now think of that person’s flaws – surely, he or she has some. Really take a moment to think. You love your mom, but perhaps she can be a bit naggy on occasion. Maybe your best friend can be a stubborn [<em>you know what</em>] from time to time, but he’s still your best bud and you’d do anything for him.<br /><br />In most aspects of our lives, we can accept that the people we love are flawed human beings but naturally we still love them anyway. Despite those flaws, we recognize the qualities that make them the unique, wonderful people they are and we cherish having them in our lives. </span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">But for some reason, when it comes to dating, the minute we see that a new love interest is less than perfect we rush to judgment. And often that judgment is equivalent to the Spanish Inquisition – no one stands a chance from thereon in.<br /><br />As I have said time and time again in this blog, in this city, the cognoscenti demand the best – if just one thing is not perfect at a restaurant, clothing store, salon, etc., Manhattanites can easily find a replacement within the proverbial New York minute. And no where is this mentality manifested more than in dating. <strong><em>This person has a flaw - well, I really don’t think I see myself ending up with this flawed person. Clearly, it’s time to move on as there is another seemingly flawless person who I met yesterday at a friend’s cocktail party and I have a very good feeling this person does not have any flaws.</em><br /></strong><br />Logic right out of Catch 22.<br /><br /><strong>News flash to Everyone:</strong> the quest for the perfect person will result in about as much success as finding an apartment close enough to jog to and through Central Park, with more closet space than you could possibly use, but also walking distance to Pastis and under $1,000 a month. My point: it doesn’t exist.<br /><br />To be clear, I’m not talking about giving a pass to someone who is rude or dismissive to you on a first date, there’s no need to excuse that type of behavior. Nor am I am talking about settling (and should you be inclined to see it that way, consider that someone is also then “settling” for you.) What I <em>am</em> referring to is the scenario where, after a handful of great dates, you notice a person’s flaws such as his slight impatience when you’re running late or her mild moodiness when you forget to introduce her to a girl you are chatting with at a party. All of a sudden you see for the first time this person is less than perfect and quickly you are not sure you’re interested anymore. We’ve all been there – we REALLY liked someone but he or she showed his or her imperfections too soon and now that person has the equivalent level of interest to you as yesterday’s newspaper.<br /><br />Now, Reader, I have no doubt that you’re pretty fantastic but I am sure you have your flaws too. Think for a second. Guys, the fact that you sometimes forget to put the toilet seat down is not what I'm talking about here. Or girls, your occasional insecurity about how you look naked requiring lots of compliments doesn’t count. You can’t think of any of consequence? I bet your exes might volunteer a few. <em>But those aren’t fair</em>, you’re thinking. Ok, how about we poll even those who love you dearly and see what they say. Even though they would likely succeed in listing a few less than ideal qualities, they certainly wouldn’t want anyone writing off their wonderful Timmy or Stacey because of them. If someone did, it would most certainly be that person’s loss! Thanks, Mom.<br /><br />Unfortunately, our loved ones and best friends aren’t always around to vouch for us – <em><strong>hey, I know Stacey just acted like a diva but don’t write her off - she’s really a fantastic girl she just has her moments</strong></em>. No, people only know what they see so everyone needs to be oh so cautious. It’s like that priceless Chris Rock skit where he jokes that no one meets the real person when you first start dating – instead you meet the other person’s representative (who is the best possible version of that person and would never admit that he hates his job, or that he can be a bit self-centered in relationships, or that he follows the 10 second rule when he drops food on the floor, and so on ...). Indeed, if you swap the representative for the real you too soon, chances are you and the representative are both fired. Oh, such a delicate balance - you want people to see and fall in love with the real you, but the real you might not withstand the merciless New York scrutiny.<br /><br />If people could just forgive each other for being flawed, but still wonderful beings, we might actually find ourselves falling not only for someone’s representative, but also for his or her real, imperfect self -- who could still be just perfect for you.</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br /><strong>With the warm weather upon us, now is truly the best time of year to join Sunday at Noon and meet that special someone! </strong>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-63591424095645978072010-04-30T13:45:00.000-07:002010-05-02T08:55:34.003-07:00Lesson From My Nephew - Manners Count!<p><span style="font-size:130%;">Recently, I was visiting my family out on Long Island and at the end of the day it was announced that Aunt Marni had to catch her train back to Manhattan. Before I could even try to open the front door for myself, my six-year-old nephew raced over and opened it for me. <strong><em>I was impressed.</em></strong> Then, as we walked to the car, his little legs walked slightly faster so he could get ahead and open the car door for me. <strong><em>I was even more impressed.</em></strong> As my nephew and I sat in the rear of the mini-van, my sister passed back a bag of deliciously tart sour patch kids to my nephew. Before even dipping his tiny fingers in the bag, he turned to me, held the bag out and asked if I would like any. <em><strong>Ok, now I was really impressed.</strong></em> </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><em>Good job, Laura!<br /></em><br />Some of the grown men I know do not have nearly as good manners.<br /><br />Hearing the outcome of countless dates, I can tell you, Guys, that you can win or lose <strong>MAJOR</strong> points by your display of good manners (which is often simply showing consideration and concern for your date) <strong><em>or</em></strong> your lack thereof.<br /><br />When I was discussing this topic with male friends at my most recent Sunday at Noon event at an art gallery, one of the guys seemed a little dubious: “<em><strong>I don’t want to be the nice guy who turns into just a friend. What about the woman's need for the thrill of the chase?”</strong></em> Guys, I am not talking here about tripping all over yourself and doting excessively on a woman. I am addressing the expression of basic gentility. Trust me when I say good manners are a <em><strong>big</strong></em> turn on.<br /><br />So, with that clarified, perhaps you’re thinking your parents didn’t prepare you as well as my sister has trained my nephew. Or perhaps you’re not sure what constitutes good manners anymore (yes, times are a changin’).</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1"><span style="font-size:130%;">[1]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> Well there’s hope - you can always consult the updated Emily Post Book of Etiquette (17th Edition)</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2"><span style="font-size:130%;">[2]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;">. I actually bought it myself – it’s quite large and covers everything from the impropriety of chewing gum with your mouth open – something which many men <em>and women</em> do and which is my personal pet peeve to on line dating tips (“<em>Be honest when you write your profile, and post an up–to-date photo. Proofread your profile carefully.</em>”).<br /><br />Now, when I caution you, Guys, to try to display the best manners possible on a date or potentially risk falling into the <em><strong>“nice enough guy, but I don’t think I want to go out with him again”</strong></em> category I’m not talking about women getting their feathers ruffled over your using your salad fork for your entree. Instead, I am talking about, among other things:</span></p><ul><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Walking ahead of the girl on the sidewalk (women HATE this and could very easily decide not to go on a second date based on this conduct alone. It shows a real lack of concern about the well-being of your date);</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Not seeing your date to the subway, into a cab, etc. (shows a complete indifference to whether she gets home ok);</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Licking your fingers instead of using a napkin, licking your knife, using your fingers to push your food onto your fork, etc. (you don’t think this happens on dates with people you know, but I assure you, it does);</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Texting on your blackberry during the date (of course, this goes for both sexes).</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-size:130%;">And one of the BIGGEST complaints I hear from women is men who talk about themselves virtually the entire time and never ask questions (and typically the men are doing this even though they like these girls and want to go out again!). Ok, sometimes these guys ask one or two questions (to their date’s 20 questions). And for every story she has about skydiving, wine tasting, etc. these braggadocios counter with five stories of their own (as Emily Post’s Book of Etiquette reminds, good conversation should be like a tennis volley). Essentially, with these guys it’s all about them. And it’s funny, because despite the stereotype about women being the chattier of the sexes, I NEVER hear this complaint from the guys. <strong>Message to the Men</strong>: Women find this conduct self-centered, off-putting, and, frankly, just boring.<br /><br />So if you’re on a date and trying to make a good impression, here are a few tips that, when followed, can go a long way: </span></p><ul><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Walk <em>alongside </em>the women you are out with. Also try to be conscious of the grates on the NYC sidewalks. Don’t be oblivious and force her to walk right onto one and damage her new and beautiful Jimmy Choos!</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">If it’s been raining/snowing, help her to cross the corners which we all know in Manhattan can be a huge mess after a snowstorm! </span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Compliment her on some aspect of her appearance. This shows appreciation for the effort she put in to look nice for your date (but avoid something sexual: a compliment such as “I like your earrings” or even “you look great” is appropriate and thoughtful).</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Be a gentleman and help her take her coat off (and also help her with putting it back on when the time comes). </span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Ask her if she would like anything else after finishing brunch/dinner - don’t just immediately ask for the check.</span></li><li><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: Show interest in the other person, <em>i.e.</em> ask questions and be a good listener. </span></strong></li></ul><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Of course, I could go on and on with suggestions, but you get the point … show some <strong><em>chivalry.</em></strong> Women love it (in fact, everyone appreciates good manners), it tends to indicate good upbringing and it makes women feel appreciated. Finding the right person in this giant city is challenging enough, don’t let bad manners be the reason you’re not meeting and (keeping) Mrs. Right!</span></p><p><span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1">[1]</a> Some men have reported to me that they have been chastised for holding the door open for women and now are reluctant to do so. My advice, ignore those women and keep opening the doors – most women (at least the ones you want to date) do appreciate it. However, some etiquette books advise that in this day and age men might want to first ask women “May I open the door for you?” That works too.<br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2">[2]</a> Emily Post’s famous book of etiquette has been skillfully updated by her great-grand-daughter-in-law, Peggy Post who is also recognized as the leading authority on etiquette and a prolific author in her own right.</p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-89536655385693170082010-04-19T20:49:00.000-07:002010-04-19T23:07:13.205-07:00The Little Prince And Grand Ideas<p><span style="font-size:130%;">The Little Prince. Yes, the book by Antoine de Saint- Exupéry. Maybe some of you read it as children, others as adults, and if you’re really impressive, maybe you read it in French (unless of course if you’re French, which would then make it not as impressive). If you haven’t read it, I urge you to stop by the book store on your way home from work and pick up a copy. It’s a quick read - you can polish it off in between your workout and your nighttime t.v. shows. And it is, after all, a classic - one of the best selling books ever, with over 80 million copies sold and translated into 180 languages. </span><span style="font-size:130%;">Ok, you may be wondering is this a book review or a blog on dating? Well, maybe both… The Little Prince leaves you with unforgettable characters (<em>e.g.</em> the Conceited Man who is lonely and craves admiration from everyone but cannot hear anything that is not a compliment and therefore lives alone on his planet - or the vain, coquettish and foolish but loving rose who drives the little prince to leave his asteroid) as well as the profound and endearing reminder that <strong>“On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."<br /></strong><br /><strong>Translation: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."</strong><br /><br />A profound piece of advice to searching singles trying to assess what qualities are really necessary in another human being in their quest for love. Of course, Saint- Exupéry didn’t set out to write a book on dating in Manhattan, but single New Yorkers would be well served to read (or re-read) this little gem offering insights on the human condition that are as relevant here on the isle of Manhattan as anywhere else on the globe (or any asteroid, for that matter).</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2"><span style="font-size:130%;">[1]</span></a><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br />As a professional matchmaker, I am constantly listening to people’s descriptions of what they are looking for in members of the opposite sex: <em>Intelligence</em>. Got it. <em>Kindness</em>. Certainly important. <em>A good sense of humor</em>. Yup. But then there is: <em>A full head of hair (preferably not grey), at least 5’11”, very handsome face, not too much older, must be in great shape <strong>AND</strong> intelligent, kind, with a good sense of humor, a solid job, wants a real relationship and is basically all around perfect)</em>. Or … it may go something like this with the guys: <em>VERY attractive, young, thin, blond, C-cup... smart, cool, really fun, sweet, oh, did I say hot and young</em>? Um, ok. (Actually, in all fairness, I have only had one guy mention to me a requested cup size, so thank goodness there’s actually flexibility there).<br /><br />Sometimes, I feel compelled to ask the rhetorical question: are you marrying someone’s hair (you do know, they could lose it in 10 years, right?) or his character? And, really ladies, aren't bald guys sexy? Guys, are you marrying a girl’s killer body (yes, that can change too after one kid) or her character? Look around you – if you take a glance at most older couples, typically neither side is looking like a spring chicken. Yes, I know it’s been said before, but at the risk of throwing out platitudes – <strong>LOOKS FADE</strong> (anyone been to a reunion lately?). Ok, ok, for the smartasses out there, height doesn’t change but you get my point. By focusing so much on the exterior as New Yorkers tend to do and expecting everyone to be perfect (ok, we’re apparently not as bad as LA, I’ll give us that, but many of us are guilty of being <strong>unforgiving <em>imperfect</em> perfectionistas</strong> in this city) we often stand in our own way of actually having what it is we seek and what would ultimately make us happy.<br /><br />Please understand, I get that there has to be chemistry – you <em>have</em> to be physically attracted to the other person on some level, you have to want to kiss him or her or it’s simply not gonna work. And we all know that you can’t manufacture attraction no matter how much you try (wouldn’t that be great, though, if there were an attraction manufacturing plant somewhere…).<br /><br />But the real question that needs to be asked is what <em>makes you want to kiss someone</em>? Just a hot body or an attractive face? Can the qualities that are found below the surface make someone physically attractive to you <em>if you’re in the right mindset to find those things attractive</em>? (<em>i.e.</em> actually heeding and internalizing the above advice offered by the clever fox to the little prince). Let me elaborate.<br /><br />If you’re at a stage in your life where you are seeking a true partner (someone who gets you, who makes you feel valued, whose company you treasure, who you respect, who’s going to be there for you in adversity, who’s going to be a great mother or father to your kids), then some true soul searching about what really makes you happy might result in a change in priorities <em>and who/what you’re attracted to</em>…<br /><br />So, if a person on a date is great company and shows a window into a soul that is GORGEOUS to you, you might metaphorically “see” with your heart a gorgeous human being (yes, I know you’re thinking, they made a movie like this it’s called Shallow Hal). Actually, I can think of a story of this actually transpiring when I was just a young‘un. All of the kids in my sixth grade class decided to conduct a poll to see who everyone thought was the prettiest girl in the class. As we all read the names aloud, certain prepubescent girls’ names came up consistently in the folded notebook paper squares (where was our teacher? must have been during recess…) and then all of a sudden the name Mary Jane Smith appeared in one tiny square. Everyone knew that the only person who could have possibly put her name down was Leonard Beane as Mary Jane was the farthest thing from what you would call a seductive Lolita and it was common knowledge that Leonard had a huge crush on Mary Jane (names are being changed to protect the innocent). There was something very impressive to me about this even back in sixth grade.<br /><br />Ok, back to 2010. If you’re looking to fall in love, get married and have a family with someone, let’s say that means spending the next 40 or 50 years of your life with your partner (I mean who’s going into these things anxious to get divorced). When you seriously consider what that means in terms of years and time together, certain physical qualities that you may have put so much stock in back in your younger days might just become less important ... and certain qualities that speak to a person’s character may become more valuable (yes, even serving to make someone more physically attractive to you). So, if your true priority is to meet someone who has all the inner qualities that make for a great partner in life (and for a great parent to your children), then someone who shows signs of integrity, honesty and kindness on a date might in fact get you more than a little hot and bothered …</span> </p><p><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2">[1]</a> It’s interesting to know that Saint-Exupéry actually wrote The Little Prince in the United States, while renting <a title="The Bevin House" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bevin_House">The Bevin House</a> in <a title="Asharoken, New York" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asharoken,_New_York">Asharoken, New York</a>, on <a title="Long Island" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_Island">Long Island</a>. <em>See </em><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delamater-Bevin_Mansion">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delamater-Bevin_Mansion</a></p><p><strong>Interested in receiving invaluable dating feedback, personalized introductions, invitations to great social events throught the year and more? Contact Marni at <a title="blocked::mailto:marni@sundayatnoon.com" href="mailto:marni@sundayatnoon.com">marni@sundayatnoon.com</a> to learn more about becoming a client. </strong><strong>Spring Special Discount now through May 1st.</strong></p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-65306050359874192012010-02-26T07:00:00.000-08:002010-02-26T08:56:26.828-08:00Stamp Collecting Is Sexy… Part I<span style="font-size:130%;">It’s true. If someone’s really passionate about the <strong>Inverted Head Four Annas</strong></span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1"><span style="font-size:130%;">[1]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> stamp from India it could be downright hot.<br /><br />Ok, I actually don’t know anyone personally who collects stamps these days, but the point of this blog is really that<em> interests</em> are sexy, <em>passions</em> are sexy … regularly engaging in cool <em>activities</em> is sexy.<br /><br />As you can imagine, I speak with a lot of singles (of <em>all</em> different backgrounds and personality types) about what they are looking for in their potential life partner. Outside of universally stating that they are looking to meet someone who is truly happy in themselves (<em>see</em> “Your Best Valentine,” Feb. 9, 2009 blog for more on this), the other most oft articulated response is unfailingly that they want to meet someone who has <strong>interests and <em>is interesting.</em></strong> In some ways, these two concepts are inextricably tied together.<br /><br />Sound like a simple request in a city like New York ? Well, you might be surprised to learn that there are many single New Yorkers who proclaim to have encountered a profound lack of interesting people out there. And hard as it might be to hear, Ladies, the complaint is largely coming from the guys.<br /><br />Yes, Loyal Readers, you can consider this blog sort of an addendum to “Don’t Shoot the Messenger: Part I” (<em>see</em> May 7, 2009 blog). While it is very important in this ever so competitive city to be slim and put together, it is also simply not enough just to look good. Having interests<em> and being interesting</em> is equally important.<br /><br />Just recently, a male client (let’s call him “Jim”) lamented to me – <em>“I meet so many women in New York who are just plain boring. Their only interest is watching reality t.v., looking good … and shopping. Yes, I want to meet someone who looks great but after a while looks fade and we need to have something to<strong> talk</strong> about!”</em><br /><br />In fact, I hear this from a lot of Jims, Joes and Jacks. They’re looking for the girl who they can admire for having interests that are not just staying in shape, seeing her friends and finding a husband.<br /><br /><strong>So, word of caution to the Ladies:</strong> if you look hot in your Tory Burch ensemble but don’t have anything to add to the conversation, a lot of “Jims” will ask you out, sleep with you and potentially date you, but chances are they ain’t marrying you.<br /><br />And it must be said here that despite Jim’s comment that the attractive women he has met of late are “boring,” we all know that Manhattan is home to countless women who are VERY attractive <em>as well as</em> super interesting, passionate about life and engaged in the world around them. And, so Ladies, the really quality men (<em>i.e.</em> those men who also take care of themselves physically, have good jobs and are successful, kind and interesting) are looking for these type of women as their counterparts (yes, of course, there are the guys who love the model-types who stare vapidly out onto the world, but we’re not talking about those guys – we’ll leave them to their models).<br /><br />To be sure, there is something really appealing to men when your eyes light up talking about how you scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro (yes, one of my female clients has done this – I listened to her story of trekking in the night, blackness all around except for the light emanating from her headgear in complete awe), or when you talk about how you got a scholarship for your voice at a top school (another client’s passion is singing – and well!). </span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2"><span style="font-size:130%;">[2]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br />Ok, not everyone is going to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro but that doesn’t mean other interests and hobbies aren’t appealing. You can be passionate about World War II history or fencing or cooking or Russian films or Moorish architecture or Spanish medieval literature … or stamp collecting. You get the picture - it really doesn’t matter. The point is <strong>just to have interests</strong> that aren’t limited to your yoga or spin class. And if you have plenty of true</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3"><span style="font-size:130%;">[3]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> interests and passions, make sure that you don’t get too lost in the giddiness of dating that you forget to <em>convey</em> these interests to your prospective suitor. Because that’s when you shine!</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4"><span style="font-size:130%;">[4]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br />Ok, Ladies, please know that your message to the men is on its way, so Guys, don’t think you’re going to get away scot free</span><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5"><span style="font-size:130%;">[5]</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> on this one (hint: Part II is titled “Stamp Collecting Can be Too Sexy”).<br /></span><br /><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1">[1]</a> “The Inverted Head Four Annas of India is a famous stamp prized by collectors. The 1854 first issues of India included a Four Annas value in red and blue. However, an<span style="color:#000000;"> </span><a title="Invert error" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invert_error"><span style="color:#000000;">invert error</span></a> occurred during production, showing the head 'upside down.' This is one of the world's first multicolored stamps.” <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inverted_Head_4_Annas">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inverted_Head_4_Annas</a><br /><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2">[2]</a> Similarly, isn’t it sexy when you meet a guy who has a true passion or skill at something that is totally unexpected? Both men and women are attracted to people who are excited about life and manifest their passion for life in what they do.<br /><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3">[3]</a> I use the word “true” to qualify the word “interest” here because many New Yorkers will say that they love art, theater, etc. but they haven’t been to an exhibit or play in years. Taking advantage of poetry readings, gallery openings, indie films at the Film Forum, etc. on a regular basis helps to give you plenty of interesting things to talk about with a date and shows that there is likely real substance behind such phrases as “my interests include art, travel and reading.”<br /><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4">[4]</a> And worse, yet, don’t lose these interests when you start dating, because that’s likely part of what drew him to you in the first place!<br /><br /><a style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5" title="" href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=388131677033775819#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5">[5]</a> If you, like many others, mistakenly thought the expression “scot free” finds its origins in the story of Dred Scott, click onto the following link to find out the real origin of this phrase (going to make you do a little work this time!). <a href="http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/scot%20free.html">http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/scot%20free.html</a><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span><br /></span><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Interested in receiving invaluable dating feedback, benefiting from image consulting, dating coaching, personalized introductions, events and more? Contact Marni at </span></strong><a title="blocked::mailto:marni@sundayatnoon.com" href="mailto:marni@sundayatnoon.com"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">marni@sundayatnoon.com</span></strong></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong> to learn more about becoming a client. Give yourself the gift of love in 2010.</strong><br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:100%;"></span><span style="font-size:100%;"></span><span style="font-size:100%;"></span>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-26213715468516065152010-02-11T12:57:00.000-08:002010-02-21T21:21:12.470-08:00Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?<span style="font-size:130%;">Recently a group of friends and I were speaking with a male friend from Northern Europe about NYC dating protocol. Where he hails from, if you’ve gone to the trouble of asking a girl out you like her, if she says yes she likes you … if you go out and have a great time, then you’re dating … and you’re not about to keep dating new people each week. If it doesn’t work out, well then you start again. Ok, perhaps somewhat over simplified, but still his point was made.<br /><br />As expected, we all informed him that this is so far from the norm in New York ... and he was left utterly bewildered. In complete earnestness, he asked us to enlighten him on our American-style of "courtship". Through our best efforts we tried to explain the rules, the understandings and the norms of American/NYC dating.<br /><br />We informed our friend with the funny accent and ruddy cheeks that in this city it’s fair to assume that any person you meet and go out with is probably dating other people. Perhaps they’ve got dates lined up each day of the week or even back to back or perhaps they are going out with a few people who are in the running to be the future Mrs./Mr. Right. Indeed, chances are any person you meet is out and about dating - as any normal New York single would be. Thus, one must know, that even a hookup, or multiple hookups (no matter how good, passionate, romantic, etc.) and even numerous great dates during which you feel <strong><em>so</em></strong> connected do not equate to <strong><em>exclusivity</em>. </strong><br /><br />To be sure, even if people genuinely like each other, it’s really nothing personal - it’s all about <strong><em>keeping your options open</em></strong>. Ultimately, the outcome of our explanation to our Scandinavian visitor was that dating here is not like in his homeland. On this front the U.S. is still like the Wild West – a land with no rules and governed by pure lawlessness.<br /><br />And the trouble with the NYC system is that the lack of rules leaves so many questions unanswered: </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>“Should I tell this person who is smitten with me that, while I like him, he is not the only one I am seeing?” “When do I have to explain this – after two dates, two weeks, two months?” “Do I owe this explanation to the girl I am spending time with if we haven’t slept together?” “Even if we have slept together, do I owe it to him or her if she or he hasn’t asked?” “When do I owe ANYTHING to anyone?”<br /></strong><br />One of my friends – let’s call him Lothario Z. – was dating two girls simultaneously for several months. And yes, he was sleeping with both. In his mind the arrangement was completely kosher – neither asked if he was dating anyone else, so he felt no need to tell them (by the way, Lothario Z. is actually a very sincere, kind guy). Ultimately, he cut one lady friend loose to focus on the one he really saw as a potential life partner. And serious they got. But when she learned, months later, that in the first few months of their relationship that she was one of two, she was <strong>not </strong>happy to put it mildly (in fact, it almost caused a breakup). In his mind, however, his conduct was justified – <strong><em>she never asked</em></strong>. And, according to him, he never told her anything to convey they were exclusive (nor did he ask her what she was up to, therefore also remaining completely in the dark as to whether she dating/sleeping with others).<br /><br />Yes, yes, you know what happens when you assume … <strong>Note to Girls and Guys Alike:</strong> Until you have a conversation and agreement on the topic, it’s not safe to assume <em>anything</em> is exclusive.<br /><br />So, if you don’t have the right to assume exclusivity and it’s too early to have <em>that </em>conversation, what’s a hapless dater to do? Why, keep going out on dates, of course. Upon hearing this advice, one of my girlfriends (let’s call her Jane) lamented that she is just not the kind of person to date multiple people at once. “<i>How do people do it? If I go out with someone it’s because I like him</i> [Jane is an unusually decisive Manhattanite, not forever caught up in the “BBD” -- bigger, better deal] – <em>I don’t want to go out with anyone else</em>! <i>I would feel deceitful.</i>” Very European of Jane.<br /><br />As hard as it is to advise against the romantic ideal of falling head over heals and cutting off all other options immediately, I advised Jane that she needed to be smart about her dating life. We all know that it takes a long time to get to know someone. Why would you spend valuable time just with one person only to find out a month and a half later you’re really not compatible in the long run. Why would you put all of your eggs in one basket only to find them all broken two months later and having to start all over? And if you don’t have an exclusive relationship why, oh why, would you cut off all of your other precious options? (Jane is shaking her head, wondering why she can’t have an exclusive relationship right away – because Jane, you don’t know him, he doesn’t know you and anything can happen…).<br /><br />Jane reverts back to the question of what exactly is she supposed to say to the guy that she likes but maybe not as much as the other guy she likes but doesn’t really know and what exactly does she owe him? Wow, that’s a convoluted one. Of course, I tell Jane she owes him nothing, but still I feel for her predicament. Maybe we should all move to Europe …</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"></span>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-46002319571499488782010-01-24T14:42:00.000-08:002010-01-25T13:12:23.562-08:00Because You Asked ...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Times;font-size:medium;"><div style="BORDER-BOTTOM-STYLE: none; BORDER-RIGHT-STYLE: none"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;font-size:12pt;"><div style="COLOR: rgb(17,17,17);font-family:arial, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12pt;" ><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left; MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Just the other day an acquaintance asked me ... "Marni, </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">what</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> exactly do you do? How does your business work? I don't even know..." In fact, those same questions are asked frequently so I figured to kill hundreds of birds with one stone (not PC idiom, I know, especially coming from an animal lover) that I would attempt in this blog to give my readers a better understanding of what </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Sunday at Noon</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> is all about.</span></span></span></b></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span style="font-family:arial;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">What?</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> The truth is, I hate the word </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Matchmaking.</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> It conjures up images of Yente from </span><span id="lw_1264284240_0" class="yshortcuts"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Fiddler on the Roof</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> - fat, overbearing and old. God, I hope no one would describe me that way! But that is what I do. I set people up. Not super complicated. Unfortunately, none of the other words I have tried really cut it - social networking? social engineering? relationship headhunting ... nah. So, matchmaking it is. </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">But not your standard matchmaking.</span></span></i></b></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></span></b></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:arial;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Who? </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">The first time a prospective client asked "</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">who</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> does Sunday at Noon?" I was so surprised. Possibly you! Me (if I weren't the founder). Your best friend. Your sister. Your brother. Wonderful, quality single people in the city. People who are finally ready to meet someone great and move on to the next stage of their lives. People who don't want to sit around anymore hoping that they will meet the love of their lives - they want to be proactive about it and make things happen.</span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:large;">My clients range from 25 to 51, they are men and women from various cultural and religious backgrounds, but what they all have in common is that they are well-educated, attractive, successful professionals. With their limited time due to their lifestyles, my clients gain the benefit of quality introductions without sacrificing countless hours on the internet or wasting precious time on inappropriate dates. </span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></b></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span style="font-family:arial;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">How? "</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">How does the process work?" Is usually the next question. Simple. I take on clients who pay to join and I then undertake a very thorough and intensive search for people who would be a great match. After screening the prospective matches, I then set them up to meet for Sunday brunch, ergo the name </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Sunday at Noon</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. The process regarding arranging people's schedules, the confidential nature of the service, etc. I won't get into here - feel free to check out my </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Philosophy</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> and </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Process</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> links on my site if you're curious to know more on that (</span><a href="http://sundayatnoon.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span id="lw_1264284240_5" class="yshortcuts"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">sundayatnoon.com</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">). It's all spelled out there.</span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Of course, there's also feedback. We could all be better daters - and I help people with that. From wardrobe to protocol, sometimes the feedback comes from me based upon my observations and sometimes it comes straight from the date. It is worth its weight in gold. Part of my job also includes being a resource and giving advice even as my clients start to date the men and women I have introduced them to - they know I am </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">constantly </span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">hearing from men and women about their dating/relationship views, stories and needs.</span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:arial;"><b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">And then there are my monthly events which</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> are an added benefit for my clients. Clients get an opportunity to meet dozens of new people every month and people are connecting. Anyone who has been to my parties knows they're not "singles parties" - but just great events which draw dynamic professionals. Sailing, bowling, cheese tasting ... just some of the events I throw. Of course, it's also a lot of work making sure that everything is up to par but that's where my anal lawyer type A personality comes in handy ... ensuring the proper male to female ratio and that everyone at the event has a great time. And if you've been to an event before and I haven't invited you back it might have been for that precise reason (keeping the ratio even) - of course, clients always get invited.</span></span></span></div></span></span></div></span></b></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></b></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Why? </span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Meetin</span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">g new, </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">quality </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">people can be particularly hard for professionals in </span><span id="lw_1264284240_2" class="yshortcuts"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">New York</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> - especially after your 20s. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Anyone who says it isn't hasn't lived here long enough or is recently single. In fact, it's not just New York.</span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></b><span id="lw_1264284240_3" class="yshortcuts"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Friends of mine</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> in other cities (</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">e.g.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> LA, D.C., Chicago) say the same thing - it's difficult in urban areas for a myriad of reasons. </span></span></span></span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span></span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span></span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span></span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span></span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Just like many of my clients now, I was an extremely busy attorney in </span><span id="lw_1264284240_1" class="yshortcuts"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Manhattan </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">with very little free time to be out meeting new people (it's all about those billable hours and making partner!). Yes, I could go out when I wasn't tied to my desk and meet some Joe Schmo at a bar, but I kept wondering where in this city of millions were the </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">quality guys</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal; FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">? </span></span></span></i></b></span></span></span></span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">I knew - </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">personally</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> as well as in addition to hearing countless stories from single friends and colleagues - that there was a profound need for someone in this city to bring quality people together with </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">honesty, integrity and skill</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. </span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:large;">Almost two years ago, I jokingly told a friend of mine lamenting his single status that I should start my own business and improve upon everything out there. He looked me dead on and said "Why don't you? You're the one person I know who could do it." I have always been extremely social, a networker and a connector. Well before I started my matchmaking business, I had a vast network of friends and acquaintances of all different backgrounds - not just lawyers and bankers but also artists, entrepreneurs, academics, jet setters, Hamptons friends - you name it. I have always had an excellent instinct for people and I have always loved setting people up. When I told friends that I was planning on starting my matchmaking business the reaction was the same across the board: you are going to be awesome at this, it's what you were meant to do! </span></span></div></span></b></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></span></div></span></b></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:large;">Ok, I hope I killed a thousand birds (you know what I mean) - but if you still have questions, feel free to write me directly - you know where to find me!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div></span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></span>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-63670484287718535532010-01-13T08:35:00.000-08:002010-02-16T16:49:28.238-08:00Job Opening: No Pay But Excellent Benefits<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify; MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Yes, that's it, it's time to fire cupid. His judgment is questionable, his timing is off, and he seems to take a perverse joy in watching one love struck single pine for someone who, in turn, is pining for someone else. His quarterly reviews have been consistently poor and in this time of economic downsizing lackluster performance cannot go unaddressed. </span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">And just who is going to fill the job opening? You. That's right, YOU. Now, please don't complain that you already have enough work to do and that you barely take lunch as it is - when times are tough we all have to make adjustments. Plus, </span><span style="BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(0,102,204) 1px dashed; CURSOR: pointer" id="lw_1263400468_0" class="yshortcuts"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Valentine's Day</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> is just one month away, so no time for whining - you need to get to it and hit the ground running (oh right, don't forget to be a team player and think outside the box - gotta love corporate America lingo). </span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Of course, with little over 30 days until the project due date (yes, Cupid left a whole stack of work unfinished for </span><span style="BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(0,102,204) 1px dashed; CURSOR: pointer" id="lw_1263400468_1" class="yshortcuts"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">February 14th</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">), you need a plan and ideally some short cuts. Here are five tips that may help you as you take matters into your own hands. </span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><br /></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(1) </span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Rework your on line profile.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> If you've been on line for a while and aren't getting the results you want, perhaps </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">it's time to shake things up.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Have a friend whose opinion you value look at your profile and ask him or her for </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">honest </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">feedback on how it could be better so it will stand out more in searches. You may even want to consider hiring a profile expert to give some guidance and objective advice. Maybe it's time to change your photo, switch sites, or modify your search to target new victims (I mean love interests - victims was Cupid's word...).</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(2) Get out. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">The chances of your sushi delivery guy being the love of your life is slim to none, so if you're not out and about it's pretty much guaranteed that you're not going to meet someone. Thus, as obvious as it sounds, if you want to do your job effectively you need to leave the house and attend as many functions as you have time for and can afford. Accept as many invitations to super bowl and birthday parties as you can and try to make an appearance at all of them. Organize a girls or boys night out ... and also make sure to go a few places solo (</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">e.g.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Barnes and Noble draws a lot of single people in the evenings and on the weekends and could be a great place to meet someone. Just don't look too immersed in your book so that a prospective suitor would be afraid to bother you). Guys, go to a cooking or salsa class (I am amazed that more men who are looking to meet great women do not sign up for these classes as they are typically filled with</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> all </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">women). Girls, if you can handle the smoke, head to a cigar bar or get tickets for a sporting event like hockey or basketball. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Whatever you do, just don't sit at home.</span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(3) </span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Change your routine.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Going to the gym at the same time every day? Time to change your morning work out for an evening exertion - you will be exposed to a whole new set of people. Going to the same Starbucks every morning for your double mocha latte frappucino swirl (ok, I totally made that drink up)? Try hitting a different Starbucks instead or even a new coffee shop altogether - again, you never know when the love of your life is going to be staring at you from across the expresso bar. You get the point - </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">ju</span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">st start changing where you are and when.</span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(4) </span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Spread the word</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">. Tell your friends that you are following through on your resolutions for 2010 and one of them is to be proactive about meeting someone special. Do they know anyone at work that might be a good set up for you? Do they have any cousins, business school friends, neighbors in their building, etc. that they think you might like? While you might assume that they would have already made the effort to set you up if they had someone in mind, that's not necessarily so - </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">sometimes people don't realize that Cupid didn't do his job properly and mistakenly think you don't need the "help." </span></b></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">(5) C</span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">onsider hiring a professional.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Why not allow someone to help you with your new project? Cupid had no incentive to strike you with his bow, but a professional is paid to be working for you 24/7. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Having someone be proactive in finding the right person for you only increases your chances of meeting the "One." </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">This someone needs to "get" you and understand what you are looking for in a partner. Of course, he or she also needs to have the people you would want to meet in his or her database and needs to be trustworthy and knowledgeable. </span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Who knows, you just might come to see that Cupid should have been downsized a long time ago ... </span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><br /></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Ready to get proactive about your love life and get started on meeting that special someone in 2010. Contact Marni at </span></strong><a title="blocked::mailto:marni@sundayatnoon.com" href="mailto:marni@sundayatnoon.com"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">marni@sundayatnoon.com</span></strong></a><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"> to learn more about becoming a client. </span></strong></span><div style="MARGIN: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></div><br /></div></span>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-22933932433338460532010-01-05T10:34:00.000-08:002010-01-05T18:03:35.283-08:00A Call to Arms<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: justify;margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"> <!--StartFragment--> </span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: justify;margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">First, let me start off by wishing all of my faithful readers a very happy New Year! Let's hope that 2010 is a year filled with much good for all those we know and love (and even those we don't know and love as it's good karma to wish positive things for others).</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Ok, the blog … </span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Not too long ago I met with a woman who was turning 41. She was attractive, bright and successful. We talked about her prior relationships for a while, what she was looking for in a partner, etc. (the usual stuff) and then she uttered two short sentences that seems to sum up all that I have come to know about the dating world for 40+ year old single women in New York City. It was candid, direct and succinct but also profoundly full of meaning: <b>"Nobody told me. No one warned me how things were going to suddenly change." </b>Across from me was a woman who had never lacked for male attention or serious suitors in the past and now men that would have previously been interested weren't asking her out because she's over 40. The landscape had changed.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">We all know that men are attracted to pretty women who are in good shape and take care of themselves - nothing earth shattering in that statement. But what really surprised me after I started my matchmaking business, and what may surprise some of my readers, was how many men I have met over 40 who are not open to meeting anyone remotely close to their own age. Indeed, I speak frequently with men who are in their 40s and 50s, etc. who provide a laundry list of what they are looking for in a partner - as you can imagine, they are seeking the works - and then they hasten to add that she should also be [insert age </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">a minimum </span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">of 8 years younger than the speaker's age]. No matter how wonderful or interesting or attractive these 40+ women are, they are not going to have a shot at being considered by a certain percentage of NYC guys of their equivalent age or a few years older because they just don't make the age cut. The Millionaire Matchmaker had a show on this where she referred to these men as “ageists.”</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftn1" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">[1]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> A great term for it, really. </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">The reasons for this "ageism" vary. Sometimes it's just a value system. Obviously, there is a premium placed on youth and good looks in this world. Younger is often "better" and that's reality. That being said, to some, experience, wordliness and maturity are more valuable than a tight ass and perfect skin. Sometimes men don't want to acknowledge their own aging and a young partner may make them feel better about themselves.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftn2" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">[2]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> I am going to skip over these types of analyses (perhaps to be tackled another day) to address the reasons articulated most frequently for the age discrimination I witness. </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Many guys will simply cite the woman's age and say they want kids. With an attitude of “’nough said.” As if the number 40 speaks for itself. If you spend 20 minutes online you can find ample information showing that many women in their early 40s have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. <b>Yes, everyone knows that there is an increased risk of infertility and complications in pregnancies as women get older </b>but these issues actually start to become relevant in pregnancies where the women are 35 and over (should these still aspiring papas now drop their maximum age limit to 30?).</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Not so fast - women under 30 beware. Research has shown that </span></span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">for women under 30, a </span><a href="http://english.pravda.ru/filing/male_partner/"><span style="color:windowtext;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">male partner</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> aged 40 or over reduced their chances of conceiving by a quarter; for women between 35 and 37, a partner over 40 reduced conception to a one-in-three possibility.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftn3" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">[3]</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Studies also show that men over 35 are twice as likely to be infertile.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftn4" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">[4]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Other research shows that there is an increased risk for autism in instances of men in their 30s fathering children and the risk of having an autistic child is five times higher when the </span></span><span style=" color: rgb(38, 38, 38); font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">father is in his 40s.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftn5" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">[5]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> For men having children over 40, studies show there is also a dramatic increase in the risk that the child will be affected by schizophrenia, dwarfism, bipolar disorder, certain childhood cancers, or even, later in life, Alzheimer's.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftn6" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">[6]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> In fact, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine "has set an upper age limit of 40 years old for semen donors because of the increased risk of genetic abnormalities in the offspring of older fathers." .</span><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftn7" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">[7]</span></a></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Thus, these men who are so quick to point to the women’s biological clock as a deal breaker are truly an example of the pot calling the kettle black. Sure Tony Randall could have a baby at 77 (whereas a septuagenarian women has long passed menopause), but that does not mean the male’s biological clock does not exist. For some reason it is just never discussed. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">News flash:</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> Men have a biological clock and it ticks pretty damn loudly.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Another reason 40+ guys have given in regard to not being interested in meeting women closer to their own age is they have a time frame for kids that is still years away. This issue was already addressed briefly in my prior blog </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Peter Pan Lives on Perry Street</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> (Nov. 11, 2009) (please reference the section regarding dads too old to play sports with their teenage kids and add the additional factor that studies show older dads have less patience with their children), coupled with the paragraph above, I think it's fine to leave this reason and move onto the next. </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">The next reason comes compliments of "Al". Al was 46 but easily could have passed for 56 (I know he was actually 46 because I checked his license). Despite this, Al told me his age cut off for women was 37. Stunned, I asked him why and he shared his view that women who are over 37 and never married tend to be bitter. On the surface it seemed like a valid reason ... but to stereotype every woman over 37 in such an unflattering way is like saying everyone from Wisconsin loves cheese (I know this is not true because I once met someone from Madison who did not). The irony of this guy is that he was so woefully, unhappily single and yet was ruling out an entire segment of women simply based on likely bad choices he had made in the past. I know a lot of happy, not-bitter, joyful single women in their late 30s and early 40s (some never married and some divorced).</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">In fact, while the bulk of my female clients are under 40, some of these phenomenal 40+ women are my clients. Which brings me to the real point of this blog. The women who come to me looking for help in meeting that special someone could easily be your friends, co-workers, family members ... people you love and respect. So I am asking you, Dear Readers, if you know any men who are in their 40s and 50s (they could be your friend, a colleague, an uncle) who are open to meeting quality, very attractive women who are 39 (ok, yes, the bias actually starts a wee bit prior to 40) to 49 they should contact me and I may very well be able to introduce them to the love of their lives. They don't have to become a client</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftn8" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">[8]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> and they don't have to spend a dime (other than treating for the date). </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">You're thinking of someone in particular and he's divorced? Perfect - regarding men over 40 that is actually the preference. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> He has kids? No problem (in fact, it is a preference for many of my clients who are divorced, do not have kids and are not looking to start a new family). If you're wondering what kind of men I'm looking for, that's easy - the standard: good guys who are kind, interesting, fun, active, successful and looking for a real relationship. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Who knows? By playing assistant matchmaker yourself you may start 2010 off with some very good karma. And a little good karma never hurt anyone.</span></o:p></span></p> <div style="mso-element:footnote-list"> <hr align="left" size="1" width="33%"> <div style="mso-element:footnote" id="ftn"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftnref" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[1]</span></span></span></a><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The irony of that episode was the 45 year old gentlemen millionaire on the show who asserted he wanted to meet a young vixen ended up having more in common and, picking, the successful female millionaire client on the show who was the CEO of a high end fashion label, absolutely gorgeous … and 40.</span></span></p> </div> <div id="ftn"> <p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftnref" name="_ftn2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[2]</span></span></span></a><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> This can often have the opposite effect, however, when the courtship phase is over and the men realize that they really can’t keep up with their younger counterpart.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> </div> <div id="ftn"> <p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftnref" name="_ftn3" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">S</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">ee</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(13, 49, 89); "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">Men's Reproductive Function Can Be Damaged If They Have Children After 40 </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">http://english.pravda.ru/science/health/04-05-2006/79869-men-0; </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">see also <span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 15px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">M</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 15px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">ale Biological Clock Also 'Ticking': Fertility Problems Greater For Men Over 35</span></span></span></span></i></span></i></span></span></p><p class="MsoFootnoteText"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(13, 49, 89); "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080706194250.htm">http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080706194250.h</a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080706194250.htm">tm</a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.</span></span></span></i></span></i></span></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> </div> <div id="ftn"> <p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftnref" name="_ftn4" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[4]</span></span></span></a><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">See <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">Is Your Sperm Too Old?</span>, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">http://www.themalebiologicalclock.blogspot.com, Nov. 22, 2009 Blog, <i>see also</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">Research: Male Biological Clock Winds Down After 35</span></span></span></span></i></span></p><p class="MsoFootnoteText"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; "><a href="http://www.rscbayarea.com/news/patient_and_press_advisories/research_male_biological_clock_winds_down_after_35.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>http://www.rscbayarea.com/news/patient_and_press_advisories/research_male_biological_clock_winds_down_after_35.ht</b></span></a></span></span></span></i></span></p><p class="MsoFootnoteText"><span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">("</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 16, 61); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">According to the ASRM, infertility is a male problem 35 percent of the time; a female problem 35 percent of the time, a combined problem of the couple 20 percent of the time, and the final 10 percent is unexplained. The Columbia research found that the risk of miscarriage of a fetus conceived by a father over age 40 was 60 percent greater than if the father were 25 to 29, irrespective of other factors that have been linked with increased miscarriage risk, such as the mother's age, maternal diabetes, poor maternal health and smoking during pregnancy. The increased risk of miscarriage does not just apply to fathers in their 40s, however. The miscarriage risk in a pregnancy involving a father aged 35 to 39 was three times higher than the risk if the father were under 25.").</span></span></span></span></span></span></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:23.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style=" color: rgb(0, 16, 61); font-family:Helvetica;"></span></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> <p></p><p class="MsoFootnoteText" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftnref" name="_ftn5" title=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[5]</span></a></span></span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Id.</span></i></span></p></div> <div id="ftn"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftnref" name="_ftn6" title=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[6]</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Id.</span></i><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">; <i>see also</i> </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#3333FF;">It Seems The Fertility Clock Ticks for Men,Too </span></span></i></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; ">http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/27/health/27sper.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1 <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;"><b>(very good New York Times Article worth taking the time to read).</b></span></span></span></i></span></span></span></span></p><div id="ftn"></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftnref" name="_ftn7" title=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[7]</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">See</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Research: Male Biological Clock Winds Down After 35, supra.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=388131677033775819&postID=2293393243333846053#_ftnref" name="_ftn8" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">[8]</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> For those who are unaware of how my business model works, I take on clients both male and female and set up personalized introductions. The introductions can be client to client or between a client and someone who is in my “database” (the database consisting of hundreds of single NYC men and women who I personally screen before any introduction). I can assure my readers that should you send someone to me who would like to be in my database and is open to meeting the 40+ women I have referenced he will not be pressured in any way to become a client.</span></span></span></span></span></span></p></div> </div> <!--EndFragment--> </span><p></p><div style="mso-element:footnote-list"><div style="mso-element:footnote" id="ftn"> </div> </div> <!--EndFragment-->Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-388131677033775819.post-63374686119375224472009-12-29T07:30:00.001-08:002009-12-29T10:34:25.387-08:00The Year End Review<p><span style="font-size:130%;">This is it … <em>that</em> time of year … the time of year for unbelievable post-Christmas sales, for making New Year’s resolutions that end up having a shorter shelf life than ripe bananas, for organizing crazy fun New Year’s plans that never end up being that crazy or that fun and … for enduring the dreaded <em><strong>OR</strong></em> welcome Year End Review (it’s all in the perspective, right?).<br /><br />Yes, in the ensuing weeks, lawyers, bankers, marketers, you name it, will be called in to the head honcho’s office for a frank but diplomatic assessment of their strengths and weaknesses. “Sit down <em>so and so</em>, it’s time to discuss your accomplishments this year, and while we’re at it, we should address a few areas that could use some work ...” Gen X yuppies everywhere will find out whether they will get promoted, what their bonuses will be and/or whether they will be vigorously searching their contacts trying to locate the number of that persistent headhunter whose calls were of mild interest a year or so back.<br /><br />What does this have to do with dating, you might ask? Well, just picture it – what if you could receive a Year End Review not in your capacity as an associate or aspiring managing director but as a single guy or girl about town with an active dating life, but possibly unfulfilling love life. Wouldn’t it be great if we could line up all of our love interests from 2009 and get a similar no-nonsense assessment of our strengths and weaknesses as a date, as a boyfriend/girlfriend, as a potential life partner ... You know, something like: “<em>Suzie, you exhibited excellent conversation skills, but lackluster table manners</em>.” Or perhaps: “<em>Richard, if you could just try to work on the foreplay skills, you’ll be promoted in no time</em>.”<br /><br />This type of tough love feedback would be worth its weight in gold. Even if you disagree with the person’s take away (we all know colleagues who leave their year end reviews arguing against the collective wisdom of the firm/company/bank because they don’t want to acknowledge that they might not be the <em>perfect</em> employee) you would at least know that someone else <em>perceived </em>you that way. And while it may not have mattered with this prior paramour, the next time around it might be someone you really like who harbors the fatal misperception.<br /><br />Unfortunately, unlike in corporate America, singles in the dating world are highly reluctant to provide truly candid feedback to one another. This is understandable, as the fear of confrontation is a strong one and, anyway, most good natured people don’t want to offend others so they opt for platitudes (<em>e.g.</em> “It’s not you, it’s me”). Therefore, bewildered daters are often left wondering “<em>Why? Why didn’t I get the return call/the third date/the coveted invite to spend New Year’s together?”</em><br /><br />So then, just how does one get answers to ensure that at the end of 2010 you don’t find yourself in precisely the same place as you were at 12:30pm on December 29, 2009? For the fantastic men and women who choose to become my clients, I am in the unique position of being able to pass on a tremendous amount of relevant and constructive feedback from a variety of sources. Of course, outside of seeking the assistance of a professional, there’s also the option of going straight to the source and asking the girls/guys you’ve dated for their honest constructive criticism. If you’re still friends, you might invite the person you were dating for coffee and, while assuring him or her that you have not entered AA, ask your ex-love interest what advice he or she would give you for 2010.<br /><br />If you’re not in a position to reach out to an “ex” perhaps you can ask a family member whose opinion you trust or two or three friends who know you very well to: (1) share with you their assessment of what you might be doing that is leading to disappointment in your love life and (2) offer one piece of advice (or more) they would give you regarding what to work on for the upcoming year. We all know that, given the opportunity, we would have ample constructive critique to offer those we love. Can there be any doubt that the feeling is reciprocal among those who love us? Most people do not fully appreciate how they might be coming across to others. What better way for you to find out than by asking? And as the saying goes, knowledge is power.<br /><br />So, here are a few pointers that might help in the conduct of the “Year End Review”:<br /></span></p><ul><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Ask your ex-love interest/friend/family member, etc. to provide equally positive feedback to accompany the critique (this makes it an easier pill to swallow and reminds you that, yes, this person is your friend).</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Emphasize that you are looking for specific examples in the feedback you receive – not vague generalities.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Try to elicit ideas on how you can make positive changes for the future.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Take notes.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Consume a lot of alcohol before and after (just kidding on this one).<br /></span></li></ul><p><span style="font-size:130%;">If you embark on this path of self-discovery and improvement, it’s important to let your "reviewer" know <strong>that no matter what he or she says</strong> you are not going to get angry or hold it against him or her. Hearing honest, raw, unfiltered, critique can be the equivalent of being ripped open with a dull object and slowly being picked apart by vultures. It freakin’ hurts. I know – I have been lucky enough to receive such an unapologetic critique and, in light of what I do, I am the one giving such critiques on a weekly basis (though I always try to do it with a delicate hand).<br /><br />The above exercise calls to my mind that famous line in A Few Good Men when Jack Nicholson announces to the tenacious Tom Cruise, “You can’t handle the truth!” I think it goes without saying that if you’re going to do this, you <em><strong>need</strong></em> to be able to handle the truth.<br /><br />So, here’s a toast … to reviews, to the truth and to a knowledgeable, powerful, wonderful 2010. </span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Interested in receiving invaluable dating feedback, benefiting from image consulting, dating coaching, personalized introductions, events and more? Contact Marni at </span></strong><a title="blocked::mailto:marni@sundayatnoon.com" href="mailto:marni@sundayatnoon.com"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">marni@sundayatnoon.com</span></strong></a><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"> to learn more about becoming a client. Give yourself the gift of love in 2010.</span></strong></p>Sunday at Noon Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11763087319906253692noreply@blogger.com5