Getting Creative and Proactive About Meeting “the One”

People are always asking me “where can I meet a great guy or girl?” and lamenting how hard it can be to meet new, quality people. My answer: anywhere and everywhere is a great place to meet someone if you (1) put yourself in the right mind set, (2) make sure you are looking and feeling your best when you walk out the door, and (3) put out warm, welcoming energy. Don’t believe me? A close friend of mine just moved in with her boyfriend who she met on a warm summer afternoon strolling down the sidewalk wearing a cute dress and a smile.

Unfortunately, when people think about making a concerted effort to meet someone they immediately target the most obvious places to go - trendy bars, the gym, etc. But chances are those venues are not yielding anything of consequence. Why? Because even though quality people do go to bars, people are typically lacking a quality point of reference there (the intellectual or physical stimuli helpful in creating a bond is absent and there is no way to know if you have anything in common with the person standing next to you). Of course, the gym provides the physical aspect that a bar does not, but how many married couples do you know who met at the gym? ... still thinking? Meeting someone at the gym sounds great in theory, but with everyone’s little iPod singing in their ears, it’s nearly impossible to strike up a conversation.

So, why not exercise some CREATIVITY in your efforts to meet "the One"? Being a little more strategic in how you go about it, might in fact yield sizable results. One of the easiest ways to get started? Using the benefits of modern technology to your dating advantage. Now please know, I’m not just referring to online dating - that is one way to fool yourself into thinking you are being proactive about your love life when you're not. No, I am talking about getting online and seeing what groups out there appeal to people just like you with similar interests and then actually getting out there.

Do you feel most alive when you’re outdoors? Instead of doing a solitary run in the park, why not join a running or hiking group and see who you meet? Like to play trivia games but none of your friends care who invented the Q-Tip? (For the curious: Leo Gerstenzang in 1923 observing his wife wrapping a piece of cotton on the end of a toothpick). Why not find out which restaurant is hosting a Trivial Pursuit night and see what other trivia buffs you meet? You can’t find any groups that excite you? Then maybe it’s time to create a group of your own.* Is there an activity that has always interested you but you haven’t found the time to pursue it? Getting a group together is your first step in taking that “someday I’d like to ....” off your "to do" list, while also increasing your chances of meeting a likeminded person while you’re at it.

Maybe this sounds like obvious advice, but it's about actually doing it. You know who you are going to see at so-and-so's party next weekend, or who you are going to talk to at the charity event you go to every year (because you know almost half the Facebook guest list). There are a lot of other people in the city out there who don't go to the events you go to. Who are these people and where do they go? Time to get out and be proactive. But even if you don’t meet your Prince or Princess Charming right away, don’t get discouraged - after all, you haven’t stopped going to bars or the gym, right? And at a minimum, all of your extra curricular activities make you a more interesting date whenever or wherever you end up bumping into Mr. or Mrs. Right!

* One possible way to go about this - check out my friend's new site Groupular (www.groupular.com) a social networking site for singles that allows you to join or create any type of group to suit your needs!

Ready to get proactive about meeting "the One"? Personalized introductions, dating coaching, image consulting, upscale private events. www.sundayatnoon.com

The 40 Year Old (Emotional) Virgin

We all know the very entertaining movie “The 40 Year Old Virgin” in which the main character’s co-workers marvel at the fact that a decent looking, seemingly “normal guy” (yes, he rides a bicycle instead of owning a car and collects figurines but other than that, he really seems to be a pretty average dude) has reached his fortieth year of his life without having done the deed. If any of us were to meet an “Andy” in real life who shared with us that he is still a virgin, we would likely react with even more disbelief than the characters in the film, trying to fathom how it would be possible for a “normal” person never to have had this pretty universal life experience.

But what about a scenario where a man or woman has reached 40 and they have never been in love? What about a scenario where a man or woman has reached 40 and they have never dated anyone for more than a few months? They have never passed the four seasons with the same person, have never experienced the devastating heartbreak of ending things with someone they were discussing marriage with but it somehow wasn’t right ... They have never marked a year anniversary, a two year anniversary and looked back on how the relationship - and both parties in it - had grown and evolved.

Would you say these individuals are Steve Carell’s character’s equivalent - 40 year old emotional virgins? And if you met one of these emotional virgins, would you want to pop his or her emotional cherry or would you run for the hills? Ok, now what if the person were 35? 30? At what age does someone never having had a long term relationship raise an eyebrow? At what point, if any, is it a serious red flag?

Now, let’s get the question of married vs. not married out of the way. I know a lot of singles who take umbrage if you ask them why they are not married yet. People often respond with variations on the following answers: “I just haven’t met the right guy/girl, the right person got away, I always knew I wanted to get married and have a family but I wasn’t ready until now, I didn’t want to get married until recently ...” and so on. All understandable answers, some of which may be true. I certainly don’t subscribe to the philosophy that someone has to get married to be happy or be successful in life (indeed, there are plenty examples to support the contrary view). However, I do think most people have an innate and profound desire for meaningful companionship.

And so, it initially amazed me when I started my business when I had conversations with people in their mid-to-late 30s who were part of my extended social circle who had never been in love or had relationships past a few months. How was that possible? Yes, you will hear excuses why someone has not had a relationship that lasted more than a few months - a loss of a family member, grad school, bad geographical location (unless you are on a deserted island, it’s hard to grasp this one), someone is a late bloomer, etc. But aren’t these just excuses after all? Of course, once you reach your 30s it helps to identify who is not going to be a life partner sooner so you don’t spend valuable time in something that is not going to further your goals. But at some point, whether it’s high school, college or your 20s, shouldn’t there have been someone who made the cut, some relationship that went the distance?

Recently, I spoke with an extremely bright, nice looking, successful guy who was in his mid30s and who had shared with me that he had not said “I love you” since he was 16 (except to his parents, of course). When I tried to get to the heart of it (I was trying to see if he could be a nice match for a client of mine), he responded by saying that when he utters the words “I love you” to a woman it’s going to be for eternity - that woman is going to be his wife. Although I tried to reason with him that while many people experience love towards people who they don’t eventually marry (especially in today’s world where the marrying age is slowly getting pushed back), it doesn’t mean that they did not experience true love - but he would not have any of it. His response was to simply reiterate that his definition of love is different. A defense mechanism to explain why he has not been in a relationship for more than a few months his entire life? Or an enlightened definition of the word?

At the risk of antagonizing those who can identify themselves in this blog, I have come to see as result of my experience as a professional matchmaker for several years now that the people who have never had a relationship for more than a few months by their mid 30s often have one of the following issues:

(1) either they do not have a realistic view of who their equal is (this is a common scenario I see - these individuals never want to date the people who are interested in dating them, however, the men and women they are seeking to be with do not care to have a relationship with them);

(2) they do not have a realistic view of what a long term relationship is like and are apt throw in the towel the minute things do not go their way;

(3) they do not give people a chance and immediately focus on critiquing the other person’s flaws over appreciating their attributes; or

(4) there is something about them or something they are doing that pretty quickly makes people think they will not be a desirable life partner/parent.

In my professional opinion, having a loving long term relationship (or several) - even one that ends - helps us grow as individuals. They help us better understand the opposite sex. They help people reach emotional maturity and realize that while you may love someone, sometimes he or she is going to drive you crazy, frustrate you, etc. but you still love that person warts and all (not literally, of course). They prime us so that when we meet that “right person” we have a better chance of recognizing him or her and also of being a better partner.

If this blog hits close home, maybe it’s time to do some real soul searching or get the objective input of a third party. I write this blog with the true interest in getting reader’s opinions and commentary so, Dear Readers, feel free to weigh in!

To learn more about Marni or Sunday at Noon please visit our website www.sundayatnoon.com

Project Valentine

A few months back, my makeup artist mentioned to me that his friend in Dallas, Lisa Linehan, had started a campaign called “Project Husband” - she had picked a wedding date for herself - February 15, 2011 - and that her goal was to meet a husband between now and then. He told me how she had decided to use the world wide web to her advantage to advertise her search for a husband on YouTube.

Click link below to see Project Husband:

(helpful advice, if you click onto this at work, lower your volume).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYtF83ToMXA

As of today and over 57,000 clicks, 80 something dates and a five month relationship, there is no husband. In fact, with less than two weeks to go, the woman behind Project Husband has decided to offer the free wedding dress, wedding cake, etc. donated by inspired vendors to a worthy couple looking to tie the knot.*

Now, I know some people watching the video of our solitary crooner are derisively labeling our protagonist as “desperate,” “pathetic” or some other variation of these words because she made her search so public. I would actually like to give this woman credit for proactively taking action to get what she wants. For whatever reason, fate had not dropped her perfect mate on her lap and at 35 she needed to take matters into her own hands (if you think 35 is old in NY to be single, imagine what it's like in Texas). The problem is she clearly went about it the wrong way.

So, what can my loyal readers learn from our groomless bride’s mistakes?

(1) When casting a net, don’t cast such a wide net that it seems that anyone will do. This woman’s lyrics and opening remarks make it seem that really any person with an x chromosome would suffice (the video starts with the request asking you to listen to her song “if you’re a potential groom or know someone who could be.” Not "if you're a wonderful guy looking for a great partner"). Where does she say what she is looking for in someone? Or ask "do you measure up?" No ones wants to feel as if they are simply a means to an end. You want your potential partner to understand that you could have your pick but you choose him or her because of what makes that person unique.

(2) In your search for a partner, you also need to let the other person know what YOU bring to the table. Glaringly absent in our protagonist’s song are lyrics about WHO this woman is and what makes her interesting, what makes her desirable? What does Lisa do for fun? WHY would someone even want to date her, forget about marrying her? Oftentimes people assume that the qualities that make them unique and interesting will be readily apparently to another person - but that is not always the case. If you are not conscious of how you are presenting yourself to prospective love interests you are potentially losing opportunities (and then possibly scratching your head wondering why no one appreciates how wonderful you are!).

(3) People want what seems difficult to get - it is important to create a sense of desirability. Remember that crafty trick you used to see in old sitcoms when women would send themselves flowers to make their boyfriends jealous? People naturally want what they believe other people want.** Had our Dallas friend marketed herself as having a full life with lots of guys chasing her - but not the right one yet - she would have appealed to guys’ sense of challenge and competition. Instead, by asking if someone will marry her, she just comes across as needy ... and any guy will tell you that they RUN from needy women.

(4) It helps to have an understanding of the opposite sex. At some point after the singing portion of her video, Lisa L. should have stepped out in front of the camera to show her body. The one photo of her holding her pooch at the end (and which looks outdated) simply doesn’t cut it. If a woman doesn’t understand that a guy is not going to be interested if he doesn’t immediately want to see that woman naked, then she really does not understand men at the most basic level. Ladies, put on some sexy (but tasteful) clothes and show your feminine side. A women who understands how the male brain works has a serious advantage over the women who do not (and the same goes for the men who understand what makes women tick). Men and women do not think the same way. Period.

(5) Attract with happiness and positive energy. Words such as “alone” and “tears” should never have made their way into the Project Husband song. I have said it many times in prior blogs, but I will say it again - people are attracted to people who exude happiness. As I am constantly telling my clients, a happy, fun demeanor is one of the most important things you can bring to the table on your date and in a relationship!

Hopefully, we have all learned a valuable lesson from our misguided songwriter. This Valentine’s Day, you don’t need to post a video on Youtube to meet your dream partner. Just be smart about how you go about your search and market yourself properly. Let people you trust know that you’re serious and looking, hire a professional, make your online profile the best it can be and use your dating time wisely. I admire Lisa in many ways as she had a plan (and has a beautiful voice) - even if it hasn’t succeeded just yet. At least she’s going after what she wants and I hope next February 15th she is happily laughing with her fiance about what she had to do to get there.

Now don’t blame me if, like my boyfriend, you can’t get this song out of your head - it is catchy ...

* http://www.facebook.com/l/0e3be-gnHU8WFtLK0XEPtGeNKpw;www.wfaa.com/news/local/Marriage-quest-fails-so-Dallas-woman-offers-free-wedding--114510364.html

** This concept is known as social proof - a cognitive shortcut to help people prove they are making the right decision. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_proof

Asking The RIGHT Questions in 2011

“Why couldn’t my ex-girlfriend be more supportive of me?

“Why couldn’t my ex-boyfriend be more appreciative of me?"

“If only my ex could have been more ambitious, we’d still be together. Why couldn’t he be more ambitious?"

“If my ex could have just been more affectionate, we would never have gotten divorced/broken up. Why couldn't she have been more affectionate?”

These are just some of the questions people ask themselves after a relationship has ended - sometimes long after a relationship has ended. We all have friends who seem to recall only the good points of a less than enviable relationship and exclaim “if only so and so could have been this way [insert grievance here], we would still be happily together today. WHY couldn’t he/she have just been that way?” In fact, most of us have been guilty of engaging in this revisionist history at some point in our lives and the unrelenting quest for the answer to WHY?

Why? Because. Because he wasn’t that way. She wasn’t that way. He/she may never be that way (or at least not with you) and that is probably never going to change. At some point, it's time to accept that not all questions have satisfactory answers and move on.

Now please don’t misunderstand me. Of course, men and women recently getting over a break up or divorce need to ask relevant questions and receive helpful answers so they can learn from the past. Posing these “why” questions should also help many individuals answer important questions about themselves (e.g. “why was I so drawn to someone who did not want a real relationship with me," "what could I have done to bring out the more affectionate side of my ex," etc.).

Perhaps your ex couldn’t give you the support/attention/praise you needed because he or she wasn’t capable.*

Perhaps he or she didn’t give it because, as hard as it is to accept, he or she didn’t love you on the level you loved him or her.**

Perhaps in the end he was just a self-absorbed jerk, or she was an insensitive, indifferent shrew.

However, the reality is that sometimes you can ask questions until Snooki receives a Nobel Peace Prize but you are never going to get an answer that makes sense of things. In the end, the answer is the same: Because.

Now you can keep asking the same questions looking backwards OR you can go into the new year asking more relevant questions that start with WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE and HOW - that’s right, at the risk of pissing off our third grade teachers everywhere we are swapping the fifth “w” question with an “h” - HOW.

Just some of the questions you might ask yourself:

WHO am I compatible with (not just attracted to)?

WHAT can I do to learn from the past and make smart choices to meet Mr. or Mrs. right in 2011?

WHEN am I going to stop making excuses about why I haven't met the right person yet and start making things happen for myself?

WHERE should I being going to meet the type of person I want to attract?

HOW am I going to go about meeting a partner who is supportive, affectionate, reliable, into me, etc.?

Once you start asking these questions - positive, proactive questions - you will start getting productive answers. And, it’s my bet that once you start asking positive questions you are undoubtedly going to exude a more positive energy with the potential love interests you’re meeting in 2011. After all, “why” is so 2010 ...

* Of course, there is some value in exploring why your ex wasn’t capable as it can alleviate feelings of guilt or inadequacy you may have about the relationship as well as potentially elicit feelings of understanding and empathy for your ex. But at some point, spending too much time on this once the relationship has ended is counterproductive.

** Years ago, an old law colleague of mine made a very effective analogy when I was venting my frustration about how my ex could not step up as a boyfriend. As she put it, asking my ex to be considerate and stable was like asking my cat to go to the grocery store and pick up some cereal for me. It wasn't happening. In similar Monday morning conversations when I lamented if only Brad (names changed to protect the not so innocent) were a better boyfriend, my wise colleague also liked to use the indelicate expression “if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.” Tough love, for sure.

Be proactive about your love life in 2011. www.sundayatnoon.com

New Year’s Resolution for 2011

It’s that time of year again ... time for the standard New Year’s resolutions which often last just as long as it takes to make them. “This year I resolve to lose ten pounds, get to the gym regularly, read more, drink less, quit smoking, save more, get more organized ...” And so it goes.

If you’re single looking to meet someone special and you happen to be struggling to think of a good new year’s resolution for 2011 or even if you just want to switch things up so you don’t break the same ones as in years past, I would be very happy to suggest a resolution that above all other resolutions should be enforced, that above all others should be remembered in March when the gym clothes still have their tags on them and your kitchen drawers are full of coupons that expired in January 2005. In fact, if you make just one resolution for 2011 let it be this one:

Hire a matchmaker.

No, just kidding (though I wouldn’t argue against it as long as it’s me).

Ok, ok. I would strongly urge you to adopt this resolution:

Throw out “your type.”

That’s right. Throw it out. Toss it out along with all of the prerequisites you have for “the One” other than that your type is someone who is a quality person, e.g. intelligent, interesting and kind (and, of course, someone you find physically attractive).

Make this your resolution (and stick to it) and you may just find yourself in December 2011 spending New Year’s with the person of your dreams - although he or she may very well look very different than the person you specifically “envisioned” in your daydreams. Maybe she will have different coloring than you normally go for (i.e. your future Mrs. Right is in fact a tiny redhead even though you’ve always had a soft spot for tall blonds), maybe your future Mr. Right will be in a different field or industry than you’re accustomed to (i.e. he’s a super talented artist as opposed to a suit and tie kind of guy), maybe he or she will be more religious than you are (i.e. he or she actually goes to church or temple), or maybe he or she lives in Brooklyn or New Jersey (God forbid a Manhattanite travel!).

As I say to my clients all the time, you just never know who you might connect with.

Indeed, as you might imagine, as a professional matchmaker, people are constantly telling me about their “type.” They are looking to meet someone who is “just so” and they are not even remotely interested in meeting someone who does not fall into the narrow parameters they have set.

If you’re reading this thinking “guilty as charged” ask yourself how that “type” has worked out for you so far? Looking back to when I first started my business, I was very deferential to the blueprints I was handed by clients looking to find “the One.” But I quickly came to see that people can say or think that they are looking for something/someone very specific and but often completely hit it off with people who are either nothing like their “type” or have at least some major differences from what they had prescribed for themselves.

If we are all honest with ourselves, at some point in our lives we have been guilty of ruling out someone because he or she did not fall into what we thought was our “type”. But what is a “type” but a trap? A cage ... a dungeon ... a destructive limitation (anyone got any other analogies?) An obstacle that keeps people from meeting someone who could make them incredibly happy ... Don’t believe me? Ask your happily married friends if their spouses were exactly what they pre-envisioned for themselves and see what percentage answer with a resounding yes (hint: it will be low). Without a doubt, once you get rid of your "type" you will soon regret how picky (and unenlightened!) you were all that time and will wish you had tossed it sooner.

So, you’re considering taking on the resolution as your own, but you’re wondering what does this resolution entail exactly? In essence, just giving people a chance. For example, when your friend, colleague, family member, etc. informs you that they would love to introduce you to someone but he or she doesn’t fit the mold (but still sounds like a worthwhile person) you go ... with an open mind and a positive attitude. Or when you meet someone out on the town who is attractive, interesting and seemingly a kind person but on the surface is different than the people you are used to dating, you make plans to grab coffee or drinks and take some time to see what he or she is really about and whether this person might actually be someone who is good for you.

In my opinion, that’s a lot more more fun than swearing off Twinkies and endlessly climbing a Stairmaster ... and if it works out, that’s a resolution you won’t have to make again next year!

¹ If you’re thinking “well, I went out with this Bohemian chick once who didn’t watch tv and didn’t shave because I was trying to get away from high maintenance women for a while ... and that didn’t work out so well,” you’re missing my point. Indeed, if you veer from your type once and it doesn’t work it, it does not mean that by default your “type” is the type of person you always pursue. It simply means that you went out with someone and that person wasn’t right for you (just like with the other failed relationships with people who have been your “type”). Period.

Sunday at Noon: Matchmaking. Events. Dating Coaching & Image Consulting. Assistance With Online Profile Revision. What are you waiting for? Make it happen! www.sundayatnoon.com

The Phenomenon of the Manhattan Man-Boy

Recently, I had a female client come to me who is truly gorgeous, stylish, smart and serious about meeting the “One.” She is a woman - poised, mature and elegant – and, as she explained, she is looking to meet A MAN. Someone who is, among other things, mature, sexy, confident, unfailingly responsible, an adult also looking to meet an adult.

Looking for a MAN ... in NYC ... the land of Peter Pan. Sorry, guys, but you know where this is going …

Beautiful, intelligent, quality women are constantly asking me where the real men are in Manhattan (to clarify, real single men). Not frat boys, not commitment-phobes, not men who have dated for twenty years but still don’t know the first thing about how to interact with a woman (God, the stories I have heard about dates with seemingly normal guys!). Are they in Manhattan? Or are all they all in the suburbs divorced with kids?

Guys, you must know that most stunning, elegant and successful women are looking to date men, not boys. So, when a guy in an effort to date a woman:

1) shows up on a date already buzzed from partying with his friends; or

2) talks about how hung over he is ... from last week; or

3) invites her out on a first or second date with all his buddies; or

4) uses offensive locker room language with a female he just met

he advertises upfront that while he may use the Men's bathroom, this person is far from the MAN she is seeking.

Now please don't get me wrong, guys, I'm not saying you need to be a boring stodge. The guy whose predominate character is that of a MAN let's say 80% of the time but every so often likes to watch an adolescent flick, enjoys going crazy over his fantasy football picks or looks forward to occasionally hanging out with his posse and having a few too many drinks is NOT who I am addressing here. I know a good number of quality men in NYC who enjoy the foregoing and who are indeed MEN and are very good catches (many are my clients). No, what I am talking about here is the man-child. Whose breakdown is the inverse - 20:80 in favor of the child.

So, my new client’s comments got me thinking about why, here in this fantastic city of ours, a 40 year old man is often the equivalent of a 25 year old everywhere else in the country. What about living in Manhattan stunts many men’s emotional growth? What are the qualities that even make a male “a man” - is it gauged by his technical years on this planet or a level of being that is evolved, emotionally mature and stable?

According to the Jewish faith, a boy becomes a man at 13 – hence the bar mitzvah. But if anyone were to look at a scrawny, pimply, seventh grader awkwardly trying to ask his crush on a date, it’s pretty evident that the being before you is most definitely male but clearly not yet a man. You might think by 21 when a “guy” has certain adult rights – he can finally drive, vote, carry a gun and legally purchase alcohol – he might be a “man.” However, a visit to any college frat house on a Saturday night will assure you that the being with the x chromosome shotgunning a beer in his underwear is closer in his maturity level to his high school brethren than a man bringing home the bacon.

Similarly, according to conventional wisdom, you might expect that when a guy gets out of college, dons a suit and starts being trusted with a certain level of responsibility that you will see a noticeable development in the trajectory of manhood. Yet, in NYC, you have many males who have met some objective criteria of manhood – 30^th birthday, 40^th birthday, etc., making partner at their law firm or managing director at their bank – and yet you can catch them on any (and every) given weekend getting wasted, possibly doing the worm on the bar floor, playing beer pong, hooking up with random girls, incapable of having a committed relationship, acting completely inappropriately on dates and going home to a rental apartment with no pictures on the wall and crappy furniture (to avoid any confusion, a man-boy can own his apartment and still be a man-boy - the failure to purchase anything is simply a possible indication that this person does not want the responsibility or commitment that comes with owning anything. It also may be a smart financial decision to rent. The totality of his lifestyle and actions is what we are talking about here).

These guys outwardly look like “men” – they might have some wrinkles, possibly some grey hairs on their head and elsewhere (... I am talking about their chests, please!) – but inside their maturity level is virtually on par with the 22 year old doing keg stands on fraternity row. In fact, they watch and laugh at the same juvenile movies as the 13 year old who laughs at fart humor, play the same video games as the 15 year old whose mom still does his laundry and go to the same nightspots and try to pick up the same women as the 23 year old who the year prior was calling these guys “sir” on their interviews.

What’s behind this stunt in many NYC men’s emotional maturity? Why, might you ask, are some 42 year olds in NY often living the same life as a 22 year old? Elsewhere in the country, nay the world, a guy in his 30s or 40s would have some responsibility for something – a house, a kid, a dog … a fish. Something or someone they have to look after other than themselves. I'm not saying you have to have a bunch of kids and a white picket fence to be a MAN. But for these Manhattan man-boys their own satisfaction has been their sole focus since birth and adding to their stunted development is the fact that their lives are almost exactly the same as they were in 1995 (except they have potentially upgraded their neighborhood, they can indulge in more expensive toys and can treat themselves to better vacations). Otherwise, NOTHING IN THEIR LIVES HAS CHANGED, including their maturity level.

What’s behind this phenomenon? I am sure a little bit of research in some psychology journals would come up with a whole host of answers on how we are evolving. Clearly, the landscape has changed since two thousand years ago when boys “became men” at 13 (it made sense then – people lived until 40 and so a midlife crisis came at 25). The world is also a very different place even since the 60s or 70s when our fathers became men in their 20s, getting married and having a complete family by 30. We live longer, we postpone responsibility longer and we have a sense of entitlement that none of the previous generations have had. We now have drugs like Viagra and Botox (yes, even the men) to postpone age/aging even more. It’s interesting to contemplate … if we are pushing the age of men’s maturity back every decade, in 50 or 100 years will a guy have to hit 70 before he's too old to be doing keg stands?

While some women may go on a few dates with the man-boy, many quality women will write him off quickly once they see signs that he is offering the role of a playmate not partner. Without a doubt, that guy that demonstrates on a date (1) that he takes care of himself (e.g. instead of talking about how he was out until 4am the night before, he talks about how he loves to cook and tries to buy organic), (2) that he can add value to another person's life (e.g. instead of talking about the fact that he couldn't commit to his "psycho" ex-girlfriend of 5 years, he talks about how he frequently helps his mother with projects around his parents' house - I mean, what woman doesn't find a guy who can build/fix things sexy?!) and (3) that he knows how to be a gentleman (e.g. instead of saying goodbye at the restaurant door, puts his date into a cab or walks her to the subway showing concern for her safety) is the guy who is going to attract the gorgeous, sexy and smart woman who has got her stuff together.

And a guy who's a MAN in every good sense of the word but can still show a boyish playfulness and charm when appropriate - now that's the guy to be. If you know one, please feel free to send him my way - I know a few hundred women who would love to meet him!

Sunday at Noon: Matchmaking. Events. Dating Coaching & Image Consulting. Assistance With Online Profile Revision. What are you waiting for? Make it happen! www.sundayatnoon.com