Thursday, December 16, 2010

New Year’s Resolution for 2011

It’s that time of year again ... time for the standard New Year’s resolutions which often last just as long as it takes to make them. “This year I resolve to lose ten pounds, get to the gym regularly, read more, drink less, quit smoking, save more, get more organized ...” And so it goes.

If you’re single looking to meet someone special and you happen to be struggling to think of a good new year’s resolution for 2011 or even if you just want to switch things up so you don’t break the same ones as in years past, I would be very happy to suggest a resolution that above all other resolutions should be enforced, that above all others should be remembered in March when the gym clothes still have their tags on them and your kitchen drawers are full of coupons that expired in January 2005. In fact, if you make just one resolution for 2011 let it be this one:

Hire a matchmaker.

No, just kidding (though I wouldn’t argue against it as long as it’s me).

Ok, ok. I would strongly urge you to adopt this resolution:

Throw out “your type.”

That’s right. Throw it out. Toss it out along with all of the prerequisites you have for “the One” other than that your type is someone who is a quality person, e.g. intelligent, interesting and kind (and, of course, someone you find physically attractive).

Make this your resolution (and stick to it) and you may just find yourself in December 2011 spending New Year’s with the person of your dreams - although he or she may very well look very different than the person you specifically “envisioned” in your daydreams. Maybe she will have different coloring than you normally go for (i.e. your future Mrs. Right is in fact a tiny redhead even though you’ve always had a soft spot for tall blonds), maybe your future Mr. Right will be in a different field or industry than you’re accustomed to (i.e. he’s a super talented artist as opposed to a suit and tie kind of guy), maybe he or she will be more religious than you are (i.e. he or she actually goes to church or temple), or maybe he or she lives in Brooklyn or New Jersey (God forbid a Manhattanite travel!).

As I say to my clients all the time, you just never know who you might connect with.

Indeed, as you might imagine, as a professional matchmaker, people are constantly telling me about their “type.” They are looking to meet someone who is “just so” and they are not even remotely interested in meeting someone who does not fall into the narrow parameters they have set.

If you’re reading this thinking “guilty as charged” ask yourself how that “type” has worked out for you so far? Looking back to when I first started my business, I was very deferential to the blueprints I was handed by clients looking to find “the One.” But I quickly came to see that people can say or think that they are looking for something/someone very specific and but often completely hit it off with people who are either nothing like their “type” or have at least some major differences from what they had prescribed for themselves.

If we are all honest with ourselves, at some point in our lives we have been guilty of ruling out someone because he or she did not fall into what we thought was our “type”. But what is a “type” but a trap? A cage ... a dungeon ... a destructive limitation (anyone got any other analogies?) An obstacle that keeps people from meeting someone who could make them incredibly happy ... Don’t believe me? Ask your happily married friends if their spouses were exactly what they pre-envisioned for themselves and see what percentage answer with a resounding yes (hint: it will be low). Without a doubt, once you get rid of your "type" you will soon regret how picky (and unenlightened!) you were all that time and will wish you had tossed it sooner.

So, you’re considering taking on the resolution as your own, but you’re wondering what does this resolution entail exactly? In essence, just giving people a chance. For example, when your friend, colleague, family member, etc. informs you that they would love to introduce you to someone but he or she doesn’t fit the mold (but still sounds like a worthwhile person) you go ... with an open mind and a positive attitude. Or when you meet someone out on the town who is attractive, interesting and seemingly a kind person but on the surface is different than the people you are used to dating, you make plans to grab coffee or drinks and take some time to see what he or she is really about and whether this person might actually be someone who is good for you.

In my opinion, that’s a lot more more fun than swearing off Twinkies and endlessly climbing a Stairmaster ... and if it works out, that’s a resolution you won’t have to make again next year!

1 If you’re thinking “well, I went out with this Bohemian chick once who didn’t watch tv and didn’t shave because I was trying to get away from high maintenance women for a while ... and that didn’t work out so well,” you’re missing my point. Indeed, if you veer from your type once and it doesn’t work it, it does not mean that by default your “type” is the type of person you always pursue. It simply means that you went out with someone and that person wasn’t right for you (just like with the other failed relationships with people who have been your “type”). Period.

Sunday at Noon: Matchmaking. Events. Dating Coaching & Image Consulting. Assistance With Online Profile Revision. What are you waiting for? Make it happen!